


Mistake

by idothatoutside, ToniArkens



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blood and Injury, Depression, F/M, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Illustrated, Mental Health Issues, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Sadstuck, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-17 22:18:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 29,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3545789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idothatoutside/pseuds/idothatoutside, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToniArkens/pseuds/ToniArkens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before Damara and Kankri knew it, their friends dropped like flies. Now they are the only ones left in a dead session and the only thing they have to cling to is each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone so this is a fic based on an rp Toni/Victor and I did. The illustration are made by [Toni/Victor](http://cridea-jeevik.tumblr.com/) and [Kaden](http://pxettykitten.tumblr.com/). Also here's my [tumblr](http://lapisazula.tumblr.com/) just because.

[](http://i62.tinypic.com/mj78qu.jpg)

# Mistake

The quartz stones that were protruding through the ground glistened from the purple rays littering the skies. Currently she was residing in her hive, the one that was transported to the land of Quartz and Melody upon her entry. Gazing at the anime posters that littered the wall Damara found that they didn't really appeal to her anymore. The bright and striking posters of magical girls and ninja trolls in contrast to their bleak situation depressed Damara, but she still feigned interest in them for Kankri. 

Ever since they ended up being the last ones left...he's been distant. Damara tried to be polite and give him space but that didn't seem to be working. Nothing seemed to work now that she thought about it. Despite her efforts as Witch of Time, no matter what she did this timeline was doomed to fail. At first she thought about starting the scratch but she couldn't no matter how much she tried...the prospect of simply not existing made her angry and a little sick. After all their work and after all they went through...they were just an insignificant timeline that paled in comparison to the alpha. Damara also thought about traveling to the alpha to help out but she couldn't do that to Kankri...she couldn't leave him. 

Fluttering her wings to shake herself out of her stupor Damara turned her head away from the window and looked around. Kankri was now on her mind and it was about time she checked up on him. "Kankri...are you there?" She called, her soft voice echoing through the hive. 

Kankri heard her soft voice resonate through the hive though he didn't think he had the energy to respond. Well more like drive to be honest, all his motivation slowly seeped out of him as the days progressed. In fact Kankri more or less lost track of time. The days blending together until he wasn’t sure if it was morning or night. However Damara would remind him, how fitting with her being a time player, by her schedule. Every morning she was walk to the ablution trap and then go to the kitchen. After a few hours of her fussing about in the kitchen she was walk up the stairs and set a bowl down near the doorway. However he wouldn’t even touch it prompting her to take it back in a few hours. His appetite diminished along with his will.

With his head rested on his knees and his arms were wrapped around his legs Kanrki brooded on past events. Just how long had it been since the world fell apart? Since they'd discovered that their lives were practically nothing? The nights had begun to run together to, so he couldn't be completely certain. But then, did it really matter? Did anything? The memories they held, the hope long since abandoned? Were they worth anything in the end? 

These had been the thoughts flooding through Kankri's mind for all this time. At first, things had been near catastrophic for him. He'd been able to suppress much of his horror around Damara, but the moment he was alone, it had taken him an hour to break out of his hysteria. He'd nearly lost consciousness from the hyperventilating. 

He'd hardly said a word since then, save muttering to himself to try and console his mind. Because dammit, they had all been his responsibility. He'd been their leader, how could he have let them all die? 

Luckily, no tears stained the corners of his eyes today, so he did not ignore her. He didn’t want to worry her after all. "Yeah." Not much, but it was something. More than he felt like saying, that was certain.

To Damara his voice seemed strained and tired. It was but a simple 'yeah' but it was the first thing Kankri said to her in a whole four days. It was like he forced it out of his protein shoot, not having the energy to say anything more. That did not bode well for Damara. For a Witch of Time her patience was wearing thin. Which was saying something seeing as she had all the time in the world. She thought by giving him some time and space he'd be able to collect and compose himself but that wasn't the case. 

Maybe it was doing the exact opposite...oh god what if he thought she was ignoring him? A flash of panic made her wings flutter frantically. She needed to check up in him, but would he think she was invading his privacy or would he welcome her appearance. After contemplating the pros and cons Damara decided 'to hell with it' and ended up flying up the stairs to Kankri's room, careful not to make a sound. Now at his door Damara smoothed out the skirt to her god tier dress before making tentative knock on said door, she didn't want to startle him.

"Kankri may I come in?"’

"Of course." Kankri responded. Where there had once been arrogance, there was now nothing. The words came with nearly no emotion. Though, were one to assign it one, it would have to be hopelessness. He'd expected to get over all of this, or at least move on. And yet, there he was. Hurting, guilty, and, though he insisted that he would never say so out loud, afraid. 

There were so many things have said. But no, even now, he held more false self-pride than he probably deserved. Granted, he had never believed in any of it, but it was all he had. The one thing to cling to, to try and trick himself into thinking that he wasn't a complete failure, that he wasn't something that was never meant to exist.

The hollow sound of Kankri's voice made Damara' mood plummet even further. However she shook it off and opened the door. Stepping into the room Damara was met with an extremely dejected looking Karkat, his blank stare which was directed at a window sent shivers up Damara's spine. He was so...numb. There was no resemblance of the usual Kankri, not even a flicker of annoyance at her suddenly deciding to intrude. Just...emptiness. 

His was huddled into himself and he didn’t even look up when she came in. He just sat there. At that moment Damara felt a mix of...pity and the urge to wrap him up in a blanket and rest his head against her chest. It made her face heat up but at the same time...it made sense. God she wanted to comfort him but she didn't have the courage...she was just some meek eastern girl. She could just hear Meenah's haughty voice antagonizing her, blaming her for her failed relationship.

Fury suddenly bloomed in her chest, god she hated this. She hated Meenah outside of the realm of the caliginous quadrant, she hated this timeline, she hated how her friends were dead, and more importantly she hated the state in which Kankri was in. The fury grew until Damara was digging her nails into the palm of her hands. Her throat felt heavy to the point where she thought she was going to end up sobbing...but she didn't. Instead Damara kneeled down to Kankri's level and held her arm out, inviting him to come closer. 

"Kankri please do not be sad alone. I want you to relieve emotions onto me," Damara admitted.

Kankri unwrapped his arms from around his knees, noting that they must have been there for some time, given how stiff they were. A few hours, at least. He cast his gaze upon Damara for only a second before turning them away again. "I have no idea what you're talking about." He was lying through his teeth now, and he was sure that it was obvious. "I'm fine." Yes, he was fine. He was broken. He was afraid. He felt as though his entire life was a pointless mistake. But he was fine enough to deny solace, to continue pretending that he didn't need to be comforted.

It was funny, really. There had always been many times when he'd suggested that people take pity on him. And yet, at the same time, he had never wanted any. He'd wanted to appear as the tragic hero who managed to come out on top despite the hardships. And here he was, curled up, holding back the urge to cry out in absolute agony. Hell, he didn't even have the sweater Porrim had forced onto him anymore. That had been lost in the incident which he would never speak of. No one would know about it. Well, now they certainly wouldn't. 

His robotic movement and monotone voice worried Damara even more. Of course in Kankri fashion he turned her away, his, if she could even call it that even more, pride not allowing him to. Well maybe it was more like Kankri was using his pride in a way to cling to something. Back then Damara didn't speak much and still doesn't really because of her accent but because of that Damara learned to listen and observe. She didn't call herself an expert on muscle responses or facial recognition but besides him lying through his teeth his disposition was...fake. A fraud. It was nothing more than a glass casting of his former self, an ornament he was using as a shield. Kankri was close to breaking and Damara was determined to be there for him when it happened. 

"Please Kankri...you hurt. You not well. But that okay. I am here for you. I know...friends gone. I know...everything is empty...but maybe it not really so empty. We have each other. You don't have to fake anymore. Go ahead. Be sad. Grieve. Cry. Scream. No one is here except you and me.” After that Damara spread out her arms, beckoning him to come closer into an embrace. 

She would have thought he’d protest or maybe put up a fight but he didn’t. Of course Kankri didn't want to. More than anything, he didn't want to. He was strong. He was the leader. He was more than capable of taking care of himself, even if he hadn't been able to bring himself to get up in... how long was it? Didn't matter. Still refusing to make eye contact, he decided that it would be best to humor her a little. He wouldn't fall apart in front of her, that he would be certain of. He wouldn't let her see any weakness. That was all he had left. His facade, his hope that maybe, just maybe, he would be able to hold just a touch of respect. Of glory. And what good had that done him? Either way, he accepted the contact against everything he stood for. It seemed so long ago that he had shouted at anyone who even considered touching him. And yet now, he was clinging to her as though his life depended on it. As though holding on would fix everything, would bring them all back.

So Kankri held tight after all she was the only thing binding him to this hollow existence. When Kankri scooted over and returned her embrace his off spectrum...no fuck the spectrum. His candy red blood made it so his body was superheated, it was even warmer than hers. Not uncomfortably so either, but enough to envelop her in a radiating heat. 

Placing her arms gently on his back Damara traced up and down his spine with her fingers in a soothing motion. Near the top of his spine she rubbed circles in the middle of his shoulder blades, all in an attempt for him to relax. Kankri was extremely stiff. He didn't need to pretend anymore. There was no need to be taut with grief and hopelessness. Sinking into despair was not part of the road before him...he needed to take to time to let go of his sorrows.

[](http://i58.tinypic.com/11rb0uv.png)

“You don’t need to pretend anymore Kankri,” Damara informed him. “There is nothing to be ashamed of. No more spectrum. No more judgment. Just us. You are not at fault...just how timeline is. But that ok. Because pride not needed anymore. It ok to need help. I want to help you.”

Half of him wanted to do as she said. To accept that this was how it was, and there was nothing they could do. But the other half knew that, while there was nothing they could do now, there had been at one time. Someone had screwed something up somewhere along the line. No. No, not 'someone'. Not just 'someone'. "I panicked...." Voice soft and rough. "She was depending on me...." 

He could still picture it as clearly as when it had taken place. The way her eyes pleaded for him to save her, her screams of terror, the mess of teal blood which coated the grass as he just stood there staring. The creature-- Whatever it was, he had never figured out-- hadn't taken the slightest interest in him. As he'd stood there, paralyzed from the pure fear and disbelief, it had looked him dead in the eye, Latula's blood so very prominent. And it had walked away. It had walked away and killed the rest of them. All while he stood there. "I could have stopped it...."

Damara froze when she heard what Kankri said. He sounded so afraid and guilt ridden, his small body was still attached to hers like she was a lifeline. She didn't know what decimated the rest. Damara wasn't even sure if she wanted to now. She'd been preoccupied with multiple time shenanigans such as keeping her timeline from any nefarious paradoxes by manipulating time itself. In this world time was a glass cannon, she needed to make sure there was enough of it but not to much. It was fickle but endless. Manageable but only in the hands of a troll with a strong grasp, lest it slip away. Her time wasn't only spent...dealing with time but also...ascending to godtier.

Damara felt her throat tighten at the memory of it. She just wanted to know why...why Rufioh did it. She was so distracted she didn't notice a shadow approaching. What exactly it was...was a mystery. However she remembered the feeling of something cold sliding into her flesh and bones and then sliding out, creating a stream of blood which poured out of her wound. She remembered Rufioh, his eyes wide and his voice wavering. Most importantly Damara remembered seeing the back of his wings as he flew away...not even glancing back. Snapping out of her trauma fueled flashbacks Damara continued to rub Kankri's back, gently pushing him closer into her embrace. 

"Nothing your fault. You not groups lusus. You not responsible for everything. Kankri you may be strong but not even all my time abilities and psychic powers could have prevented deaths. Even now if me went back I would just be at different timeline. If anyone's fault...it’s fate. Cruel fate. Fate made us play game, destiny is the culprit. Not you. Never you."

Kankri Vantas had a lot of secrets. More than he could be bothered to count. And all of these he had been determined to take to the grave. But one slipped out right then. Because it hardly mattered anymore. His vow didn't exactly mean much now.

"I loved her...." As many times as he'd tried to deny it, as many instances in which he'd attempted to push the thoughts out of his mind. He had loved her. But no, there was no past tense about it. 

He still loved her, and it still hurt. 

He repeated those three words, though the last was cut off by an involuntary sob. And that was all it took. Hands shaking, tears streaming down his face. Any defenses shattered in that moment, leaving him completely helpless.

Damara's stomach felt like ice when Kankri dropped those three words. Love was an extremely strong word and rarely ever used. Flushed was the common word...but love was almost taboo. For Kankri to mask his...love...under ''celibacy' and 'pride’ was probably the greatest feat Damara has ever heard of.Through all Meulin's constant talk of ships Damara figured that Kankri and Tula had something. Even with Mituna's and Latula's so called 'perfect flushed quadrant.' Damara knew first hand that there was no such thing as a perfect relationship, love was a bitch. A cold stone bitch. Oh the irony. Those three words that Kankri was reciting practically burned Damara's ears but she kept rubbing his back and even held him a little tighter. Then came the sob. His 'shield' was broken. There was nothing left but Kankri. No self-righteous, no social justice, no dignity. Just Kankri. As his sobs racked his small frame Damara rested his head on her chest and held him tight.

"Love is fickle...love is complex...love is hurt. Love at times...not worth it. However...I sure you're love was not for nothing. You are so strong Kankri and that love made you even stronger," Damara whispered. "It's cliche like from anime but it true." 

Sure her and Rufio's love, if she could even call it that was extremely flawed, but it made her stronger in the end. After he left and her vision was fading she felt a surge of...something. A surge to prove to the world that she wasn’t some meek and compliant rust blood. She wasn’t about to let Rufio's unfaithfulness kill her. Meenah could go fuck herself as well. So she crawled. Using her nails Damara dug them into the ground and pushed herself forward. Each push was agonizing, the dirt cut into her open wound but she kept going. Crawling and pushing until she brought herself to that godforsaken slab. The rest...is history as far as she’s concerned.

"What will you do, then?" Half mumbled, voice catching. "You have immortality and no one to share it with."

Yes he would die and Damara would be left alone with the curse of immortality. If...worse case scenario arose he doubted she would be able to relieve that curse with a heroic or just death. Mentally berating himself for thinking like that as suicide was no joking matter Kankri felt his bloodpusher become heavy. Damara would be all alone...If he'd any intention of trying to calm down, it was as good as gone now. 

Eyes screwed shut, his defenses had been breached. And there was no going back. For his entire life, he had told himself never to allow his head to be overruled by his heart. Had he always been so vulnerable? Yes, he'd been aware of how pathetic he was for a decent amount of time, but this was far worse than he ever could have imagined. Not a word was spoken on his part for a solid four minutes, though he was far from silent. He wasn't even trying to hold back anymore, there was no point. In time, it faded to only a few small sounds of emotional agony, accompanied by a cough or two.

"I...I don't know..." Damara admitted. The whole reason she was still here was because of Kankri...but what then? Maybe after she would travel through the timelines and linger. Maybe lend a hand or to and give the alternate Kankri a small advantage , though this one would be forever hers. She'd essentially be a god without a domain. That scared her. It scared her...but not as much as not existing. "I guess I'll just...exist. I share some of my time with you and when time runs out I go through other timelines. Wander and watch."

Damara didn't really have any emotional baggage. What happened was in the past, there was just Kankri and her. No matter how many times she'd look back at the past she knew that all those experiences made her who she was. Sure she still had flaws but she also had arisen anew. Her scars reminded her of her triumphs and her sacrifices. She overcame her struggles and fear. She was strong. Sure she had earned her godtier fair and square. She literally dragged herself through the dirt to get it. Hell if she hadn't done it she would have died, and then her dream self would have died. But at what cost? After Kankri died...who would she have left, herself? Desolation? No she had to stick to what she said. Even if it was an unnerving thought to be surrounded by alternate version of her friends.

A faint nod, though it was clear that he was deep in thought. "I imagine that it will only feel like an instant for you in comparison. No one ever expected me to survive long, anyway." To be completely honest, he was surprised-- And fairly disappointed-- that he had lived to see four sweeps. With his unique blood, no one was sure just how long he had, not even an estimate. Just that it wouldn't be nearly as long a life as anyone else. 

Damara couldn't help but shudder at the thought of Kankri leaving so soon. It wasn't fair. Sure it was a little self centered but she wanted more time with Kankri...her Kankri. It was a well known fact that the lower the blood type the less time they had and Kankri wasn't even on the spectrum so Damara had no idea how long he had, not even an estimate. Maybe the absence of a known lifespan was a good thing, it would make her value her time with Kankri even more, but at the same time it just made scared. 

"Aranea..." Fuck, it hurt to say her name. "She told me once about my ancestor. I'm not saying that I believed any of it, but she told me, nonetheless. Apparently hers had known him. She didn't explain much to me, but I did some research of my own. He died before his time, no one was able to document how long his lifespan was. Older than us, though...." He trailed off a bit before picking back up. "Imperial agents were searching for him. He knew that those around him would be in danger should they remain in his company, but that they would search for him should he leave. He gave up. Drowned himself." Quiet after that, eyes still suggesting that his thoughts were miles away.

When Kankri brought up his ancestor Damara was intrigued. Besides the hollow feeling upon hearing Aranea's name Damara was interested to learn more about his ancestor. Call it a morbid curiosity but his tragic ending peaked her interest. “Kankri why was ancestor being chased by imperial agents? Did he do something against empress?” As for her...Damara's ancestor was called Threnody. Her story was only known to Damara...and maybe the empress herself. She found her notes on a warm night on Beforus, before she joined Rufioh on his adventures. Damara was making a time capsule, as cliche as that was. It was mostly full of old anime gear, nothing of true sentimental value. While she was digging and sifting the dirt she was startled to find an old music box with her sign on it as well. Inside was a monologue of her life up until death. Though admittedly what Damara was interested in the most was the music box. It was a very simple music box made of a odd red metal. The music it played was divine. So much so that Damara never really showed it to anyone. Call her selfish but she wanted to keep this small treasure to herself. As of then it was in the depths of her sylladex, safely hidden.

"He and I... I suppose we're more alike than one would imagine. I followed in his footsteps without even realizing it. He ran away from the troll that culled him. I've no idea why that was ever such a crime, but whatever the reason, he was willing to risk execution for his freedom. Just as I would do hundreds of sweeps later. "He was an adult by the time he met his demise. I'm unsure his exact age, but...." A shake of his head, again appearing to have his thoughts wander. A long few moments of languor hung in the air, and when he began to speak again, it was more of a thought that unknowingly escaped his lips. "I always imagined that I would make it at least until then...."

Damara pursed her lips, culling was extremely glamorized in their society. Probably to relieve the high bloods’ guilt or cover up it's dark side to the masses. However Damara knew...being a lowblood and one that had friends culled. She even knew trolls who were culled and been used for...pale fetish material. Repressing a shiver Damara turned her attention back to Kankri. The sight of Kankri so lost in thought unnerved her a bit. He was in a tender state and she didn't want him treading on negative thoughts. Though it must have taken a lot of courage to run away like that for if he was caught, well the consequences would have been dire. 

Letting those words sink in Damara took Kankri by the shoulder and pushed him back so she was making direct eye contact with him. "Kankri do not fret. If you want...I can try to manipulate time. Not sure if it will do much but if I am directly in control of time than maybe I able to at least slow down time for you. Can't make you immortal. But it will help, no?" 

Honestly Damara didn’t know the full extent of her powers. Granted she had a much better grasp on it than before. She in theory was able to control the aspect of time itself. Time is an emergent concept. Throughout spacetime she was able to manipulate this abstract concept. The possibilities of its uses was practically limitless. That being said she wasn’t even sure if it could be applied to the aging process. Even then time was also a dimensional force, what if she accidentally aged Kankri or de aged him?

The offer was tempting in its own way. But there was an underlying thought which caused him to  
shake his head. "It's not worth it." A number of reasons why. Because he was afraid, because something could go wrong, because maybe he just didn't want to live for any longer than he had to. 

Or maybe it was in fear of the other thing. Dragging it out. 

No, he couldn't think about that now. He'd managed to hide it for this long, and it was still a ways off. Or so he assumed. He wasn't exactly an expert on this sort of thing, or how long it took. It was all a game, and not one he was exactly thrilled to be playing. He could have gone on. Told her everything. But was that the best way to go about this? How was one even meant to reveal this, even under normal circumstances? And now? Now that it was just the two of them? That only made things harder.

He was hiding something...that much he could tell. Whenever Rufioh was lying or trying to hide his relationship with Horuss his left wing always twitched, just a bit to the point where no one could tell unless they really focused on it. Kankri on the other hand would go silent and reply in short sentences, like he didn't want to risk revealing anything else. She didn't blame him, after all Kankri was a very private person and some things were not anyone’s business. She was surprised he even let her know this much, but Damara also needed to know what happened. Now that she thought about it whatever killed the others might be still lurking around. She needed to protect Kankri...and herself. Damara also was getting a bit paranoid as well. Something could be lurking in the shadows...watching them. 

Slowly putting her hand up Damara softly cupped Kankri's cheek, reassuring him that she cared. "Kankri if you don't want to I won’t. But you worth it Kankri. You worth many things. You deserve all time in universe. If you really don't want to do it fine. That ok. I don't want to push you into it. However also I need answer. I worried that whatever...killed the others...still out there. Please Kankri I know it hard but can you recount what happened? What did it?" Damara knew it would be painful to remember but she needed to know. There were many reasons why, to keep Kankri safe, revenge, even a tiny bit of curiosity. As sick as it was Damara wanted to know what could have killed them so easily.

Recount... what happened...? Kankri stared up at her for a second or two in complete silence. "I...." Come on. Come on, just say it. "I don't know.... I don't know what it was...." The picture was clear in his mind, far clearer than he'd have liked. "It... it was huge. No legs, just... just arms. Skeletal, almost." Calm down. Calm down, Vantas. "With-- with claws." Claws that ripped Latula apart, spraying her blood far enough that some of it splattered on his face. 

Any resolve was gone as knees buckled under him. On the floor, he stared at nothing with wide, tear-filled eyes as the scene replayed in his mind. Breaths were rapid yet heavy, and somehow weren't supplying him with the oxygen he required. Shaking hands clutched tightly to the opposite arms as they wrapped around himself. Screaming. Begging for him to save her. Then silence. The the creature's retreat. Then bolting back to where they had set up base camp, determined to lie, to say that her last words had been an instruction to tell Mituna that she loved him. Only to be greeted with carnage. 

Standing there, counting the colors in a horrified stupor. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Plus Latula. Ten. But no burgundy. No sign that Damara had been among them. Telling himself that he should go find her and assure her safety because oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my God he couldn't be the only one left.

He was having a complete trauma induced nervous breakdown right in front of her. His piercing eyes were focused on something that Damara could not see and candy red tears streaked down his cheeks. In a flash Damara had enveloped Kankri again, prying his arms apart so he wouldn’t accidentally scratch himself and...shoosh papping him. Lightly stroking his face Damara calmly shushed him. As of then pale feelings were heavy in her chest, just the sight of him, fear stricken and breaking down made her pity him so much. After all he went through, his struggles with culling, burying his own desires, being ridiculed by others, and the social conforms brought on by his blood type...god she pitied him so much it physically pained her. 

Wiping away the tears Damara continued to shush him in an effort to calm him down. “It’s ok Kankri, I’m here. Monster is not.” He was hyperventilating, his breath coming in short bursts. If this continued he’d pass out. Damara prayed that her shoosh papping was working.

Even with her gentle paps the screams continued to echo in his head, even long after she began comforting him. His irregular breathing stopped suddenly, only to be replaced with a series of violent coughs. No fewer than fifteen, one right after the other, feeling as though his throat were being ripped apart with each. Hands clung to her once again, though his head instinctively turned to the side, coughing into his arm rather than onto her. When he finally quieted, he appeared to have calmed significantly. Or perhaps he was just focused on the red liquid which now dotted his arm and lip.

For a second thought Kankri responded extremely well to her...pale advances but then he started coughing. Each cough made Damara flinch however she didn't stop comforting Kankri. Instead she started rubbing his back in an attempt to sooth the obvious pain he was in. She felt something wet splatter against her face but she assumed it was just spit. However that assumption was shattered when he started coughing into his arm. For when his coughs subsided...blood was splattered on his arm and lips. 

Horrified, Damara lifted a hand up to her face and wiped the liquid off with a finger. It was also blood. Damara's practically seen it all, she fought monsters throughout her land, witnessed her former love abandon her, hell she stared death straight in the eye, but this was on a whole new level. Was he sick? Was he injured? So many thoughts rushed through her head. Her blood pusher was pounding rapidly and her hands was shaking. Looking back at Kankri Damara forced herself to take a breath. 

"Kankri where does it hurt? Kankri is it throat? Do you need water?" She asked him slowly. 

Looking through her sylladex Damara grabbed a bottle of water and small rag, something she had on hand when she used to take long hikes with Rufioh. After she grabbed the items Damara scooted closer to Kankri and wiped the blood off his face and arm using the cloth. Then she uncapped the bottle and put it in his line of vision. 

"Please drink."

Though he accepted the drink with a shaky hand-- Nearly coughing some of it back up-- he returned to refusing to meet her eyes. "Thank you. I'm fine." It was a blatant lie, of course. Why had it had to happen now? Why not when he was alone? He had known that the blood would start to come in time, but not so soon. 

Standing, he allowed him to take a few deep breaths as he crossed his arms in front of his chest as he'd done so many times before. "You should go." Just that one request, tone harsh. Harsh, yet with an undertone of fear.

Damara narrowed her eyes at his response. That was a load of bullshit, was he seriously keeping up this little facade of his? After all that happened, he was still trying to preserve his 'pride.' Besides being slightly miffed at the fact that Kankri was still keeping up the act Damara was very scared. Scared for Kankri. Scared for his safety and well being. Standing up along with Kankri Damara looked down at him and put her hands on her hips. She had to do something. As much as she wanted to forget this ever happened and give Kankri the space she needed, Damara also reminded herself of her oath. How she wouldn’t be walked on anymore and that when needed, she’d take her stance. 

"Lies. All lies. You obviously not fine. You are ill. Though I do respect wishes I care more about you than I do privacy," Damara told him. "Need I remind that you had panic attack and coughed up blood?" She didn't want to bring it up but she had to for his sake. This couldn't go on, she needed to know, to end this charade. "Kankri what happened? Who or what is murderer? And why health failing?"

Kankri didn’t look at her when she ask. Instead he stared intensely at the ground. This was it. He'd failed at hiding it, and now he was going to have to tell her. How was he supposed to do this? It had to be immoral. It had to be. For her to sit on this, it made him almost sick. It wasn't fair to either of them. Quiet for three, four, five seconds. Just choose the words carefully. Make it gentle. She had gone through so much already, she didn't need to suffer any more than she already had, than she already would. 

"I had a reason why I asked you what you'll do when I die." Stop beating around the bush. "I always assumed that my life expectancy would be at least a little longer than this. As for what.... As for what that thing was, I can't say that I know. I'm sorry, but I have no idea." A lengthy inhale. "Damara, I'm sorry." Sorry for not having the answers. For letting them all die. For having to leave her sooner than she had thought.

Right then and there...Damara's world crumbled. After all she fought for, after all the trials she faced, everything still came crashing down. Damara wasn't really sure of anything anymore. Well the only thing she was sure of was that Kankri...her pale crush and dear friend...was dying. She thought she'd have more time or at least the time she needed to heal before his death. However that didn't seem like the case. Everything felt so numb...Damara should have seen the signs, the distance he put between them, the talk of his ancestor, everything. Well maybe she did see the sign but she refused to acknowledge them. After all ignorance is bliss. 

Still frozen into place Damara felt a single tear trickle down her cheek. This wasn't fair, this was just some cruel joke, some messed up prank. A part of her told herself that she shouldn't even be crying for Kankri was the one who was dying but she couldn't help it. 

Her hand seemed to move on it's own as it clumsy grasped onto Kankri’s and with a small trembling voice Damara began to speak. "Kankri I'm so sorry. I am sorry for everything. The offer still stand though. We can't give up. There still hope. We can’t let the game win. However...if you still say no...then please let me make you comfortable until death. Let me take care of you until then." Damara couldn't give up like this, she was empowered. If there was a chance that she could give Kankri time then dammit she'd grasp onto it for dear life. If he choose not to go through with it...well then Damara would be devastated...but at the same time she cared about Kankri to much to really let her needs overshadow his.

"No." Still not looking up. Doing so would let him see the hurt he was sure lingered in her eyes, and he couldn't take that. Not right now. "No, I.... It's not going to be pleasant, I'm afraid that doing what you suggest would only drag it out. If I must be put through it all, then let it at least be quick." Many a time, he had considered ending it before it even began. But then the tragedy, and he certainly couldn't do it then. 

"I understand that it's selfish. I should be trying to stay with you for as long as possible. But I... I can't. I can't do this, I... I don't want to do this...." No, Kankri, don't start crying again. There had been far too much of that for one day. "Please don't make me do this...."

Of course. Even if she gave Kankri more time he'd still be suffering. He'd still cough up blood and he'd still be in pain. Dammit why couldn't she by a sylph or a life player? This whole thing was just one tragedy after another. Everything that could have gone went wrong or at least from Damara's perspective it did. This wasn't even an obstacle for her to overcome, this was death plain and simple. She wouldn't get stronger from this, she'd just sink further into depression. Here she was contemplating the death of her last and only friend. Waiting for his demise. Well if it was to be than she would make sure that Kankri's last moments would be worth it. She'd take care of him...but she'd also take care of unfinished business. Whatever decimated her friends was going to pay. Damara was going to make it pay. Clenching her fists until her knuckles turned white Damara looked back at Kankri who looked like he was about to cry again. Pity immediately flowed back and Damara was at his side once again. 

"No no...it fine Kankri. I upset but I understand. You don't deserve to suffer. Not selfish," Damara reassured him. "You tired, too much for one day. Need rest." Although he wouldn’t admit it Kankri was extremely exhausted. He hadn’t had a good nights sleep in ages. Squeezing his hand a bit Damara began leading him to a coon that was set up in his room. Just the sight of it made her tired but she couldn't rest now. Not until the monster was gone.

Whoever had come up with the idea for the recuperacoons, Kankri made a note to thank them once death took him. For this was the only thing that was able to sooth him, to fend off the memories which plagued him. More than once since the others had died, he had accidentally fallen asleep outside of it. And that, that had proved to be almost catastrophic mentally. 

"Thank you." The words were sincere, though perhaps somewhat guilty. After all, she certainly had to be going through a lot, as well. And yet, they were focused on him. The dying one, the lost cause. "You sleep, too, okay?" Just to be sure that she wouldn't stay up and fret. "You deserve a rest as much as I do." Damara nodded but that simple nod was a blatant lie on her part. She couldn’t rest when there was so much at stake.

Now Kankri could wait for her to fall asleep and find a blade or length of rope or fabric. He could wander out into the wilderness. Hell, he could do something as simple as drown himself in the substance meant to pacify him as he rested. They all were tempting offers. But no, he would be considerate. He would stay, if only for her.

Damara was so tired, this whole day was emotionally draining. Just looking at the recuperacoon made her eyes itch and droop. Not today though, not until she made sure there was nothing lurking in the shadows. God she was so tired but Kankri thanks gave her a bit of energy. Do it for him. This is all for him. Of course when she would leave she'd make sure the ask was secure, use her time magicks and surround the place so whatever tried to enter would be slowed down and she'd be alerted. Though should she lie and tell Kankri she was going to sleep? To give him peace of mind? Or should she come clean? Damara could always mix the truth with a lie. For his sake though, this was all for him. 

Letting go of his hand Damara turned away to look out the window. "Later. Need to make sure place secure. Patrol area. Make sure safe." With that said Damara turned around and placed a hand on his head. "Don't worry. Won't go far." Hopefully she’d be able to find it. She was confident she was powerful enough to defeat. However if she couldn’t find it in a 24 hour period she’d go back, Damara didn’t want to worry him. If she did find it and kill it, she’d just tell Kankri that she ran into. 

“Sleep Kankri. Pleasant dreams.” Taking her hand off his head Damara walked out the room, not before giving Kankri a small smile.


	2. Chapter 2

Wind blew. Sounds of imps and other monsters that Damara could easily take down filled the crisp morning air. But other than that, there was no signs of life. Yet there was someone. Hiding. Waiting. Watching. She was right to be paranoid for the same creature that decimated her friends still walked on her planets, hungry for more. The survivors were out there. They were out there, but they would be found. All a matter of time. 

Unaware of her impending fate Damara fluttered through the sky, her hair whipped through the air and her red dress flowed around her. The light blared throughout the area casting it in a warm glow. Normally this would make Damara run for cover but it wasn't like the blistering sun of Beforus. Instead it was simply warm and inviting which was helpful in waking Damara up. As she flew Damara kept a lookout for anything that looked suspicious. Her eyes were trained on the ground and her quills were poised for action. 

"Where are you..." Damara whispered. Her red lips pursed in concertation, she would find it and she would kill it. It had to be somewhere, Kankri didn't say it had any wings so Damara didn't think it was able to fly off planet. It had to be around here. Hiding, waiting. Damara couldn’t help but shiver a bit. Everywhere she flew she felt like there was something watching her. Like a gaze burning into her soul. It unnerved her.

Her eyes did pick up something but at first Damara almost dismissed the black dot as a stray imp but then she saw it wave. Dropping a few feet down Damara strained her eyes to see what it was. Curly hair and a skeleton suit....Damara almost fell out of the sky she was so shocked. Her wings locked up making her fall until she regained her momentum by vigorously flapping her wings. It was Kurloz...Kurloz was still alive. Regaining her bearings Damara immediately started heading toward the black speck. If Kurloz was still alive than maybe there were more! Or maybe he knew what the creature was! Hope filled Damara to the point where it was aiding in the speed of her flight. Soon she made her way to the ground. Her opinion on Kurloz was sort of lukewarm, her and Meulin were good friends considering anime ships and anime feels however he also made her a tiny bit nervous. Though he did that to practically everyone. 

"Kurloz you alive!? You hurt? What happened? Are there others?" Damara asked rapidly. The prospect of others being alive filled her with joy, truthfully the chances of there being others was slim but the moment was too sudden for her to really care. This was so surreal to Damara. After thinking that there was no one left and suddenly there being someone...she was in shock.

Signs came rapidly, eyes pleading. Saying without words that he had been certain that he was the only one left, that he had found the site of the bloodshed not long after it had happened. That he had nearly been killed himself, but managed to get away. That he had found where the thing that had done this resided, but it had attacked him once more. At this, he touched the purple on his head to emphasize the point. More signs, asking if she was all right, if she had seen anything, if it had had something to do with her reaching god tier. 

Damara silently thanked Meulin for teaching her sign language as she read his frantic signs. While he told his story Damara's expression went from shocked to well more shocked. Even when he asked her if she was alright she stayed silent for a minute, trying to absorb all of this

While she was stuck in her stupid Kurloz wrapped his arms around himself as he shook his head, appearing more distraught than he had ever allowed in the past. Almost to Kankri's extent.

Kurloz looked so disheveled and fraught. He must have thought he was the only went. Feeling sympathy well up in her Damara carefully put her hand on his shoulder. "I fine and I not see monster. Though...I felt it." Damara couldn't help but shudder at the memory. The cold object that was thrusted through her stomach must have been it's claws. "Monster almost kill me. I managed to get to Quest Cocoon." 

Memories still managed to flash through Damara's head. Ones that made her a little sick but she didn't have time to lament on that traumatic event right now. "Kurloz come back to hive with me. I patch you up. You can rest. Need to get away. Monster could be anywhere. Safe at hive." Stepping back Damara put her quills in one hand and then extended the other so that Kurloz could take it. She was flying him out of here. The monster could wait for right now. It should consider itself lucky that Kurloz showed up or she would have been hunting it down still. However with that burning hate came relief. Relief that they were not the only ones left. She felt awful for thinking this but at least she wouldn’t be alone after Kankri died. Guilt made it’s way to her bloodpusher as she tried not to think about it like that. She should just be thankful Kurloz was alive. It was self centered of her to think like that.

A faint smile on the stitched lips as he nodded. Again he signed, this time asking of Kankri's health, figuring that she would probably be far too distracted flying to look and see what he was saying.

“I tell on way, monster could be anywhere.” It was true, the monster could be watching them and waiting for the right moment to strike. The thought of the monster stalking both of them made Damara uneasy. They needed to get back to the hive quickly. Besides she couldn't wait to Kankri's reaction when he saw that Kurloz was still alive. Although he probably wouldn't show it she knew that he'd be overjoyed that there was still a survivors. A discovery like this could go a long way. 

Grabbing Kurloz's hand Damara wrapped her around around him so that his backside was pressed to her chest. Soon both of them were in the light filled sky and Damara was eager to tell him about how Kankri was doing. "Kankri fine. Shaken up but fine. I believe that seeing you will make him happy. He's been so distant and sad...I worry about him," Damara admitted. She had no idea why she was suddenly telling Kurloz all of this and practically revealing her pale feelings for Kankri. She guessed it was do to the fact that she just recently found out that he was alive. 

Kurloz didn’t reply but listened. So the Witch of Time was developing pale feelings for Kankri...that was certainly something he didn’t expect. It mattered not though. Quadrants didn’t really matter anymore.

From the distance Damara saw her hive over the horizon making her speed up. Once near the hive Damara landed as softly as she could and let go of Kurloz.

“Here we are. Give me minute, hive is surrounded by time magicks.” With a flick of her wrist a red glow appeared and disappeared, signaling that the hive was no longer protected. Kurloz was admittedly impressed at Damara’s forethought and ability. She definitely thought this through not to mention her time powers had it’s uses. “Alright you may enter now. Come I will fix you up.”

Both of them walked into the hive and Damara lead him into the kitchen. She was elated, more buoyant than she had been in ages. One of their friends had survived. It’s like someone coming back to life only they were never dead to begin with. Her joy washed out all the doubt she’d been feeling however another troll was feeling the opposite of radiance.

In the slime nightmares haunted Kankri. He shouldn't have been having the nightmares, shouldn't have been going through it all again. Latula's shrieks, her blood covering the skeletal claws. But that was when it changed. The same general scenario, but one key factor different.   
Kankri's eyes flew open, and he quite nearly fell out of the recupracoon. No. No, he remembered now. He remembered, how had he not? Not claws, but a dagger. Not huge, just tall. Not actual bones, but the depiction printed on fabric. A few select curses were shouted to himself, which he immediately apologized for in his mind. How could he have forgotten? How could he have been so mistaken? And now Damara was out there, looking for the wrong kind of monster. Only one word was whispered now, over and over again. "Kurloz.... Kurloz...."

The panicking certainly didn't do anything for his wellbeing. He hadn't even gotten to put his clothes back on before collapsing to his knees in yet another coughing fit. Come on, get up! Get up, go out there, and find her! Damn his health. Damn it right to hell. He was stuck kneeling on the floor, exposed in every sense of the word, blood dripping from his lips like something out of a bad horror movie. Shit, why wasn't it stopping? Why couldn't he regulate his breaths? Why wasn't he recovering?

When grabbed her trusty first aid kit Damara started to dig through it. It was a simple metal box with an abundance of medical supplies like bandages, pain killers, antibiotic ointment, etc. Truthfully it was a little over excessive but Damara worried a lot to the point where she would stock up on medical supplies just in case. At least it came in handy. About to direct Kurloz to the table so she could have a look at him Damara figured she'd check on Kankri and if he was still awake then she'd give him the good news. 

"Sorry Kurloz. Me check on Kankri. Bet he be delighted to see you," Damara informed him. Kurloz simply shrugged and sat down on the tables. Besides he wanted to see Kankri anyways. It certainly been a while... 

Flying up the stairs as if he was asleep she didn't want to wake him Damara made it up to his door. However from behind it she heard ragged coughing. Alarmed, Damara felt her protective instincts kick in making her roughly open the door. She'd make sure to apologize for invading his privacy later. Upon seeing Kankri crumpled on the floor and blood dripping out of his mouth Damara immediately scurried over to him and scooped him up. There were still patches of slime from the recuperacoon and he was nude but Damara didn't care. With Kankri in her arms as she was kneeling down Damara shosh papped him. A million and one thoughts were racing through her thinkpan. 'Was he dying? Was this the result of another panic attack? Should I try to give him narcotics? Will he be alright?' In an effort to calm him down Damara continued to shoosh pap him.

"Kankri calm down. It ok. You going to be alright. I can give you medicine to stop pain."

A shake of his head, a hand held up to tell her to give him a minute, let him speak when he was able to. Just when it seemed like he would be all right, the sound of footsteps caught his attention.

Impossible. They were alone. It was only the two of them. The moment Kurloz came into view, all hell broke loose. Hands gripped onto Damara, and while he was obviously terrified, he found himself trying to push her behind him. If she died protecting him, it would be heroic. Coughs mingled with shouts now, though most were little more than unrecognizable. Only short bursts of words could be made out. "No!", and "You get away!", and "Don't touch her!". Her. not 'me', not 'us'. Just 'her'.

Kurloz was normally a patient troll but after hearing Damara trying to sooth Kankri he wanted to investigate. Call him to curious for his own good but the sight of his agitation and mental unrest made this all so much better. 

It was relatively creepy of him to just show up like that but Damara wasn't one to judge. However Kankri...Kankri reacted extremely badly to his sudden appearance. It was like he saw a monster instead of their friend Kurloz. 

"Kankri what is matter? What is wrong?" Damara tried to ask him. Instead of responding he began clinging to her and trying to push her behind him in a protective way. 

Kankri also started shouting and slipping into another coughing fit. He was acting unhinged. Maybe it was from the lingering trauma and memories. Though...Damara couldn't dismiss it like that. Kankri seemed lucid despite his state and the was he was reacting...it was very unsettling to the point where Damara was beginning to become suspicious of Kurloz. After all there was no reason for Kankri to suddenly freak out like that upon seeing Kurloz. Damara also felt her pale feelings grow as Kankri tried to protect her. Then it clicked. Kankri was trying to protect her from Kurloz...but why? Whatever the case Damara needed to get Kankri out of here. Grabbing his clothes from the floor Damara scooped Kankri up again so she was carrying him bridal style. With her eyes trained on Kurloz Damara began walking backwards to the door and then booked it. Temporarily forgetting she could fly Damara ran through the hive and out the door. Her blood pusher was beating so fast that she felt blood pumping in her ears. Her instincts screamed at her that there was a threat which made her run even faster.

Kankri dared to look back just once. And as he did, everything seemed to slow. Kurloz was just... staring. Smiling. No, that wasn't a smile. It was far too twisted, far too threatening. His eyes were wrong. Piercing, seeming to tell him that this wasn't over. He'd stopped coughing by this point, pure adrenaline coursing through him. For the first time since months before the others had died, he felt no pain. Terror, yes. A lingering sense of doom, absolutely. But not pain. As though in this moment, his body forgot that it was slowly shutting down. Funny, he considered, that even when one was dying, instinct told them to stay alive.

Not even bothering to look back Damara remembered that she had a pair of red fairy wings on her back. Within seconds of fluttering them Damara was up in the air. She was just thankful that Kurloz didn't reach godtier. However once up in the air Damara couldn't help but glance back. Kurloz was in the front of her hive with a grin stretched on his face. The stitches on his mouth were straining under his malevolent grin and for the second time in her life Damara was truly horrified. Dread made itself apparent but she couldn't hover there in fear for ever so she ended up flying away at a great speed. The will to survive coupled with fear made it so that every part of her was screaming at her to get away from there and as far as possible.

For a while Damara continued to fly not really concerning herself with how much time she'd been flying. Kankri was rigid with fear not bothering to relax his body. However after a little while the adrenaline began to fade and she began to feel exhaustion plague her, same with Kankri. It was odd though, normally she had an abundance of stamina especially after going god tier. Though now that she thought about it she hadn't slept in days and this day especially seemed to sap away her energy. In fact her grasp on Kankri started to weaken a bit and she started to slow down. Damara needed to find a spot to rest fast or else she'd pass out on the spot. Scanning the area down below Damara spotted a small quartz cave down below. It would be a perfect place to rest. In a flash Damara made her way down to the cave. After arriving at the entrance Damara gently set Kankri down and then his clothes. Though by then all the adrenaline drained out of her so much so that her legs gave out and she sunk to her knees. As long as Kankri was safe then everything would be fine. Or at least that's what Damara kept telling herself.

The moment he was set down, Kankri scrambled to pull his clothes on. Damara made sure not to look and kept her closed her eyes. Part of it was for respect and the other was out of pure exhaustion. Those eyes still haunted his mind, now twice over. His crazed grin as well. Once dressed, he took a seat, breaths deep and deliberate. 

"It was him...." More of an exhale than anything. "It was him, he.... The others...." It was all so clear now. He remembered everything. And yet, there was one thing that didn't make sense. "But I... I saw his blood. It-- it was his, I saw it...." He'd seen it. Mixing with the others'. Copious amounts of it, far too much to leave him alive. So then, how could he be standing there? How could he be back? And even if he could somehow be back, he wouldn't have killed himself. Paint, maybe? Every possibility was running through his mind at once, far too fast for even him to speak.

Through her fatigue Damara managed to listen to Kankri's tired explanation. She knew there was something messed up about that damn clown. She fucking knew it. In fact Damara could bet it had something to do with that damn religion of his, deluding his mind or maybe he was just a monster. Whatever the case just thinking about him made her furious. Her blood was practically boiling. This was all his fault. Kurloz massacred their friends and ruined their lives. They could of had a chance at success yet Kurloz destroyed it. Why? Why did he do it? No...who cares why. Kurloz was a murderer, a monster. He ripped away their chances of survival. He's the one that made this empty and desolate world for Damara and Kankri. It was all his fault. Damara was going to make him pay. Managing to stand up Damara grabbed her quills again. By then she was clenching her teeth and digging her nails into her palm which drew blood. 

"Kankri stay here. I am going to end this." Her voice was hollow to the point where she was almost growling. Although fury practically emanated off her being she was still running low on energy reserves. In fact she wobbled a bit before regaining her poise. "I'll be back. Don't worry. I make sure clown suffer."

"What?! Are you crazy?!" Damn. Ableist slur. He made a mental apology. However it startled which in turn had her freeze in her tracks. Kankri always made sure to keep his language ‘trigger free’ but now he just called her crazy? That alone was a feat for the history books."You-- you need to rest! You can't leave, he-- he'll kill you! You can't go, you-- you can't leave me alone!" Wait, had he said that out loud? One slip-up after another, it seemed. Okay, so now he just had to roll with it. "I... If something were to happen to you.... I would not only be dying, but be forced to spend my remaining time knowing that I allowed yet another one of my friends to...." 

Yeah, no, he wasn't saying it. "You are to stay here. Once you're rested, if you decide that you still want to go, then I will be by your side. That's an order." Was he even considered her leader anymore? He'd failed pretty miserably the last time. But it was worth a shot. So long as she didn't go and get herself killed while he was left there.

It was nostalgic listening to him berate her like that. Though when Kankri admitted to not wanted to be alone Damara's blood pusher skipped a beat. He still felt like it was his fault. Kankri blamed himself for something that was completely out of his control. He wasn't at fault, the clown fucker was. This whole thing was because of him and she'd make sure that Kurloz knew it. She was going to make him regret everything. God she wanted to fly out and kill him right now but Kankri was right. If she wanted a full advantage over Kurloz then she'd have get her energy back up. Although she was godtier and had powerful psychic abilities Kurloz was a purple blood and a prince of rage. He destroyed using rage...Damara didn’t want to see what it was like when he was angry. Even then she wanted to fly out and wipe away that smile of his but she was practically asleep on her feet as of then. Though again Damara couldn't help but smile at Kankri's order. It was just like old times. 

"Okay Kankri. I rest. You rest to." Leaning against the wall Damara smoothed out the skirt of her dress and slid down. It wasn't the most comfortable position in the world but it was as comfortable as she was going to get in a cave. Damara then patted the ground next to get Kankri to sleep near her. By the look he was giving her Damara knew he wasn’t to keen on sleeping on the ground of some random cave. "Cave is cold. Don't want you to catch one. Also easier to protect you when close." The chances of Kurloz finding both of them was slim considering how far she flew. However in the worst case scenario Damara wanted to be close to Kankri.

"I can honestly say that the possibility of a cold is the least of my problems right now." Not that he wasn't freezing as the cave was cut off from the light of the sun. Damara couldn’t help but roll her eyes and crack a smile at Kankri's resilience. He was still the same old Kankri. It was obvious the he was cold after all she was even chilly in her soft godtier outfit. 

Though whether Kankri liked to admit it or not, he had grown accustomed to the sweater Porrim had made him. But after that little... incident, he'd had to get rid of it. Even if he'd been okay with the others knowing what had happened, it was ruined, anyway. She'd said that she would make him another one. He'd insisted that he would loathe it. Following instructions-- After all, she was actually listening to him about this and there was no way that he was going to risk her flying off to spite him-- he curled up beside her, intent on fighting off the fatigue which was battling for the chance to overwhelm him. He couldn't sleep. He refused to. Because if he slept, he dreamed. And if he dreamed, well, he might as well have been dead.

[](http://i62.tinypic.com/2v14uhv.jpg)

Silence soon settled in the cave. It was weird having a moment of peace after what happened. The day seemed to stretch on for years though Damara knew how long it was. A time player or at least in her experience had an internal clock. If she focused she could recount what time it was, down to the last millisecond. After all time was her forte. However as much as she wanted to sleep she was having a rough time. Each time she closed her eyes multiple events creeped their way into her thoughts. The back of Rufio's brown wings as he flew away or his face when confronted with Kurloz. All her friends thought Rufioh was a courageous adventurer but Damara knew the truth. He was a coward. A tiny mouse gifted with flight. If she thought he betrayed her when Rufioh began to cheat on her than she obviously didn't know what true betrayal was...he left her to die. A single red tear rolled down her cheek but she quickly wiped it off. Now was not the time for tears, she was better than that. She wouldn't waste her tears on a worthless pile of scum. Damara just needed to think of something else. However try as she might despite all the anime she could think of all she could recall was how Rufioh abandoned her and Kurloz's grinning face. She couldn't take it anymore. 

Letting out a hoarse groan Damara sat up and covered her face with her hands. This was getting her nowhere. Maybe...if she told Kankri she'd feel better...but he always already dealing with enough emotional baggage as it was. What is she told him a different story? They could both use something else to focus on. "Kankri...I ever told you story of ancestor? My ancestor?"

"Well that certainly came out of nowhere." Kankri righted himself, carefully looked her over. Now more than ever he wished that reading people was something that wasn't a complete mystery to him. "No, you haven't. I had no idea that you even believed in the concept." Was there a reason that she brought this up now? Or was this all similar to what he himself did? Speaking just to do so? To remind herself that she was still there, that she was still relevant.

Damara removed her hands from her face when Kankri responded. Truth be told even if he didn’t she would have probably told her story anyways. She need to talk and to not feel so dissociated. Shrugging at Kankri’s comment Damara began to tell the story of her ancestor.

[](http://i58.tinypic.com/2yk0rhf.png)

“Ancestor was called The Threnody or simply Threnody. Ancestor powerful psychic. Her power and beauty revered by many. However she humble. A teacher who travel around and teach practices of self healing and liberate others from their past deeds. Essentially clean up their history so they arise anew. Highbloods and lowbloods flocked to her wanting to relieve sins. Famous words she tell students was ‘you shall be freed from slavery and so you shall be free in everything.’ Her teachings became widespread to point where everyone in Beforus knew about her. Ancestor also well known for singing lament to mourn recently deceased. However one day cerulean blood did not heed words of ancestor. Cerulean blood hurt one of followers. Normally ancestor was forgiving but she not give mercy to one who injure her flock. So ancestor sent spirits of the ones that cerulean hurt in the past to forever plague her. However in retaliation cerulean blood used mind powers to make one of own followers kill her.” After she finished Damara leaned her head back. She admired her ancestor for being so kind hearted but also willing to do anything for her followers...even going against her own beliefs. In fact Damara tried to model herself after her ancestor. To be forgiving and empathetic of others plights but also willing to cast justice on those who dare hurt her friends. However as of then the only friend she had left was Kanrki but that wouldn’t stop her from protecting him with her life. “Here Kankri I show you something.” 

Looking through her sylladex Damara located the music box. Though she was a little hesitant to pull it out Damara did it anyways because she trusted Kankri. “This is music box I found near hive. Inside was notes by ancestor. That is how I know story. Did not believe in ancestors until found it. Ever since kept music box hidden. You only troll that I have showed.” It was actually sort of uplifting to show Kankri the music box so much so that she winded it up and opened the lid.

For the entire time the music played, the unthinkable happened. Kankri was silent. The only sound he issued were muffled coughs, but it seemed as though he were trying to keep those as quiet as possible. It made Damara smile a bit from the way he was respectfully listening. Only when the music box stopped did he speak."It's intriguing." Honesty in his voice, though his lack of filter proved that it had not died with the others. "However, what she did was, to say the least, rather problematic. I'm positive that everything could have been settled in a much better way. Once which would have, in the end, saved her life.”

While listening to Kankri advising her not to talk about her ancestor in the future Damara closed the box but didn't put it back. Instead she just left it here, not really wanting to put it back. After all the time she spent hiding it she felt as though it would be doing the box and injustice to store it in the back of her sylladex again.

"Also, in the future, I suggest that you refrain from bringing up your ancestor, as there are a number of others who have never gotten proof of their existence for one reason or another. Although, thinking about it now, I suppose that it doesn't make much of a difference. And yet, you can never be too careful. "The music, I'll admit, was nice. Though I've not told anyone, I used to sing a bit myself. However, since entering the game, I haven't gotten to do so nearly as much, and now I fear that I can't. You understand why, of course. I would only end up spewing blood everywhere (Trigger warning: Blood, implied impending death). And either way, I doubt that it would be anything that you would like." He was changing subjects too rapidly, speaking too quickly, sounding almost in a panic. And dammit, he knew it. But hopefully, if there was any mercy in this hell of a world, she wouldn't notice. She wouldn't ask why.

“Hmm you right. Ancestor could have settled it peacefully. Could have lived. Funny what trolls do when loved ones are hurt. They do things that they swore they'd never do. Go against own beliefs." Damara remarked. 

Now that she thought about it that's was she admired about her ancestor the most. Not her beauty, her integrity, or what she preached but how she took it upon herself to protect her people. By going against everything she believed in Threnody risked it all to make sure that the cerulean would atone for what she done and in the end it cost Therapy her life. Call it justice, revenge, or whatever but she was doing what she thought best. She was protecting the ones she cared for. Cracking a smirk Damara crossed her arms. "Okay I refrain from talking about ancestor." However when he started talking about how he used to sing Damara’s bemused expression morphed into one of concern. She noticed how quick the topics were changed. It was like he regretted or was nervous about what he just revealed. 

"Kankri you sang? And why sudden change of topic? Are you feeling well? Oh but don't have to tell me. It fine forget I said it. But if I may what songs you sing? I love to hear what at least they about." Damara's curiosity was peaked as well has her concerns. Why was he so agitated when he was talking about singing? And what did he mean but not anything she'd like?

Kankri didn't look at her, instead staring straight ahead. Not 'at' anything, really. "Religious hymns, mostly. In ancient Beforan and I’m fine just...tired is all." Still nervous, still trying to hide just how afraid he was.Damara made a face at his response but didn’t push it.

"There was one I was particularly fond of. 'Han bear ey all vor smarte, Oo en day trei striat ande glemt, Lee kell vell are vey til lit, Vor shlekt ah chilt meh bloo far guh, Vee har ing en sha liet ell aey deed, Lee kell vell are vey til lit.' Which, in modern terms roughly translates to, 'He carries all our pain, And one day his strife is forgotten, However, we are forgiven, Our kin are separated by colour of blood, We are without without love or virtue, However, we are forgiven'.”

Damara listened to the hymn closely, she already struggled with dynamics of central Beforan language so she had no idea what he was saying in the first part. However luckily he translated and the words were actually very deep. One that sacrificed himself so the others would be forgiven even though the others were spiteful and let his story fade. He went against expectations, struggled, and even though he was taken for granted he still forgave. Well that's what Damara got out of it. The hymn was touching in a sort of sad way.

"Your music box was probably made around the same time. I recognize the style. It's calming, yet holds a slightly darker edge if you listen closely. Here." He reached out to allow it to play again. And missed. Damn, hadn't it been there? Though his eyes were facing the general direction his hand was in, they were still not focused as he felt around on the ground of the object, mentally cursing at himself. No way that he would hide it now.

Alarms bells struck, she knew something was wrong. She knew it. It all made sense now, the quick change of topics and...oh god Kankri was losing his sight. Like when Damara found out Kankri was dying her body went numb. Of course. Of course. It all made sense. Fate loved to screw her over. It was like they were just one speck of dust in the grand scheme of things so fate decided to fuck them over. It seemed like their whole lives revolved around this one stupid game. Hell they were just specks of dust made to make the game or story or whatever more said in depressing. Like some tragedy or a fucking lament after death. That was it. That was the last straw. Damara wasn't going to be anyone's bitch. In fact everything seemed to be a bunch of bullshit, from hymns, songs, and just everything in general. She didn't need the warmth of tomorrow, she didn't need to have a light spill through the dark silence, and she didn't need the other side of sorrow. She wanted oblivion. Plain and simple. Softly touching Kankri's hand Damara guided it to the music box. A simple gesture but one that she hoped would give Kankri peace of mind. However Kankri went cold at her random touch. This was it. Damara knew. 

"Kankri...you going blind. I'm sorry. I failed you. I...be honest. When Kurloz almost kill me Rufioh was there. But he turn back on me. Left me to die. After thought that was it. Life couldn't get worse. But then I saw blood of others. I ready to sink in despair. But then I saw you. You...made everything less bleak. At first me thought you need time alone to heal...I was wrong. Both of us need each other to heal. Then you told me you dying. Almost sunk again. However I didn't. Because I care about you to much to. And now...I still do despite blindness. However something need be done. I can't live like this. Life keep fucking me over. Fate and game to. I can’t deal. And now it spawned clown. I will never truly leave you alone. But I have to kill it. I have to kill it and prove I not some pawn some play thing...I sorry Kankri and...this not goodbye. I come back. You dear to me and I...I pale for you." Through the whole speech Damara was crying. Tears rolled down her cheeks and splattered against the quartz floor. This would be the only time she'd allow herself to cry. After this there would be no more tears. Despite the tears Damara managed to get up and pat Kankri on the head. 

The revelations came, and it took a few moments for everything to register. First the information about Rufioh, then the other. The other. That was what he referred to it as in his head. Because really, he couldn't even process it properly. She had... pale feelings for him? The very thought seemed impossible. Who would willingly spend time with him if they didn't have to, if he wasn't literally the only other person on the planet? The only one that wasn't a homicidal maniac, anyway. He'd had suspicions of Porrim, but neither had ever brought it up.

There was no going back now, she would kill him, she would go against everything so she could protect Kankri...she would even go against the one she was protecting. Walking to the entrance of the cave Damara took off, in search of Kurloz.


	3. Chapter 3

"Damara...." Quietly, facing where her voice had come from. "Damara, I... I appreciate everything you said. And while I would ordinarily remind you of my vow, I suppose that it doesn't make a difference anymore. And... I would be lying if I said that I don't hold you in the same regard. "As for what happened with Rufioh, I wish it hadn't. As terrible as it sounds, I hope only that he, in his last moments, remembered that he left you, and that his guilt was the final thing he experienced. However, I understand that this could potentially bring up a number of bad memories, so I'll refrain from bringing it up any further. "Returning back to my original point, as your... as your moirail, I cannot allow you to do this. I'm going with you, at the very least. While I understand that my current condition is far from preferable, at the very least I can give you a small amount of support. That being said," He stopped then, noticing just how quiet it was. "You're already gone, aren't you?" Obviously no answer. "Okay, then."

Damara was long gone by then. Her pursuit of Kurloz brought her to a reasonable height. It was only when she was high up in the air that Damara remembered how tired she was. In the heat of the moment Damara forget her fatigue but as of then it made itself apparent...at the least convenient time as well. However Damara didn't really give a damn. Her mind was made up so she pushed her body to keep flying. If she managed to drag her half dead body to her quest cocoon then she could find and murder someone with little to no sleep. Her first thought was to look near her hive but then again she flew blindly when she ran away from him. 

Trying to remember what direction her hive was Damara figured she'd start by going north and then work her way from there. While flying Damara felt guilty for leaving Kankri like that...but no she wasn't leaving him forever. After she killed the clown she'd come back for him and they could live out the rest of his days in peace. She would protect Kankri and make sure he was safe. This she vowed. Surprisingly while scanning the ground below her Damara saw what she was looking for. He was simply standing there, probably with that shit eating grin of his plastered on his face. All the rage that built up over the course of the game was threatening to be released right then and there however Damara wanted to see his face when she killed him, she wanted to see regret show on that demeaning face of his. 

Flying down so that his back was facing her Damara took out her quills. By then she was clenching her teeth...Damara was furious. "Circus freak look at me!" She was practically screaming, she wanted to see him suffer.

He was calm in turning around. As though completely unbothered by the threat she posed to him. Or perhaps he didn't see her as a threat. Once he locked eyes with her, the signs came with an equally calm demeanor.

"Our punchblooded brother isn't in the right motherfucking mind, sister. His wicked venomous blood sickens his thinkpan, all getting him to be at seeing things." Mild concern in his features. "My worry is on to him having been the motherfucker who laid down our friends to rest. But do not lose faith, the mirthful messiahs have not forsaken us in these times of fucking horror."

“Fuguri namete!” Damara screamed, slipping into her native tongue. Kurloz didn’t even flinch at her insult. He just continued to stare blankly at her with glacial eyes...which made her even angrier. She was furious no she was enraged. How dare this...this thing put the blame on Kankri. How dare he call him crazy when the purple blooded scum was the one who was mental. How dare he even mention Kankri! To dirty his name by speaking in such a way was unforgivable. Everything he'd done was unforgivable. Kurloz was a demon in a cloak of neutrality. However as soon as Kankri unmasked him there was no going back now. She would forever see through his facade, his lies. Why was he lying to her face anyways? If he was smart enough then he would know that she wouldn't fall for his bullshit. Maybe this showed how deluded he really was. 

"Shut up you scum! You can take clown bulge and scrape it against wall of quartz. You probably get off on it to. You sick clown bitch." Although it was seemed like she was venting Damara was getting angrier by the second. "How you live with knowledge that you murder friends? How can you blame it on innocent? Why hide behind fake gods? There no messiahs, it fake. All of it. There no nirvana no shangri-la. Only oblivion. You damned yourself. Killed everyone. And now you die alone..." Damara was snarling by then and had one of her quills brandished directly at him. It was over. With one thought Damara shot a red beam of energy at Kurloz, aiming right for that stitched up mouth of his.

Thrown back a good twenty feet, Kurloz laid there for a few seconds before sitting up. The stitches had been blown to bits, allowing the psychotic smile to widen more than it had in so very long, unhindered by his own mutilation.

Damara didn't know why that didn't blast his face to pieces, was she holding back? Was she that low on energy? Or was Kurloz a lot stronger than she originally thought? Or maybe...she wasn't as strong as she thought...no she must stay strong in the face of adversity.The sight of his grin without his stitches was ironically more unnerving than when the stitches embedded into his skin which further showed his malignant side. However she didn’t attempt to strike him again as he started to sign. Damara knew she shouldn’t be humoring a demon like this but...for one reason or another she kept still.

His hands moved, never losing composure. "Ain't nothing gonna stop the shitstorm. Motherfucker's already gone and flipped his lid, killing me now isn't going to up and undo what already got done. When you watch him snuff it-- And it sure as fuck going to be soon-- it ain't gonna be him anymore." Getting to his feet, he then held up his hands before him. Slowly, almost gentle. To show that he was unarmed, that he had no intention of harming her. One step forward. Another. A slight nod to her, meant to ask if he could continue closer.

Telling those lies was going to get him nowhere. With each step he took her blood boiled. If anything his lies and his presumptuous behavior was going to make his death sentence more painful. Did he think it was funny, toying with her? He had the nerve to pull this shit even after what he’d done...Damara would bet her two quills that he thought this was hilarious, that disgusting clown got a kick out of this whole thing. 

"Stop with filthy lies scum." She let him walk a few feet closer however was weary with each step. "Kankri not powerful enough to kill twelves trolls. You only one with power to. Chucklevoodoos, blood, and element of surprise. Besides I trust Kankri with life. Don't even try sully name with blatant lies." 

Her name calling and resilience toward him didn’t affect him in the slightest. Damara was dead set on trusting Kankri to the point where she would follow him to the depths of the Dark Carnival. That didn’t stop him from trying to convince her otherwise. "Nine. Two of us have still got our pushers up and working their shit even after what he went and pulled." 

Once he got to a certain point Damara blasted him again, only this time at his side. When he fell, the sound of his arm snapping rang out as he hit the ground, making signing all but impossible. And yet, he managed to scrawl out a message in the dirt. 'WHAT IF HE JUST DON'T GOT HIS REMEMBERING ON?' It was a real possibility, after all. Hallucinations, delusions, they were both common symptoms of someone in his condition. 

"KISAMA! SHINE!" Damara screamed. All these lies Kurloz was telling, she didn't care about the numbers. Her mind was too clouded with rage to give a damn. Just why the fuck did the clown insist on continuing this charade? However the sound of his arm snapping gave Damara a sense of morbid satisfaction. Served him right. Just the look at him squabbling around in the dirt and trying to communicate delighted Damara. Though even then he was still lying. That's all he seemed to be good for. Everything he did was fake even his smiles. He was just a puppet, a false construct. Kurloz was nothing. Smiling a bit Damara walked over to him, a tongue slowly licking her red lips. Once she was hovering over him Damara took him by the neck. Her nails dug into his flesh and pierced the muscle beneath making blood flow against her fingers. However Kurloz didn’t make a sound. His eyes were simply trained on her despite the situation.

[](http://i58.tinypic.com/2ltnk0l.jpg)

"Tsukaene yatsu dana," Damara whispered against his ear. "Daikirai." Did he understand what she was saying? No, not a word. But what was about to happen was clear. And he wasn't going to fight back. He kept his gaze locked onto hers the entire time. And they held fear. Were he able to, he'd have been pleading to her, begging for his life. Telling her to think about what she was about to do.

Her other hand made it's way to his face to the point where her white quill was right next his cheek. It was glowing with red energy but this time it casted a shadow against her face making Damara's expression malevolent. The split second before she killed him Kurloz made eye contact. In the depths of his eyes Damara saw terror. Pure terror. It almost made her put her quill down, the look in his eyes was the same expression of someone looking at a monster. However even then she struck him full force. A good portion of his neck flew off revealing burnt muscle. Purple blood also splattered against Damara which practically drenched her godtier robes and her face with the thick, cold liquid. In fact the only thing she could feel was the cold trickle of blood against her warm skin. Every other sense was dulled to the point where Damara didn't know if she was alive or not. 

Kurloz’s gaze snapped her back to reality. The intensity of his stare never left even in death. For a few minutes Damara stood there frozen as she stared back at his head for it was the only thing she could really focus on. His depthless eyes would mostly likely be seared into her mind for eternity. It was only until her arm started hurting that she let go of the body. Kurloz's lifeless form hit the ground with a thud. However the time she spent looking into his eyes made her remember the reason for this. Kankri. She had to return to him. Taking one last glance at his body Damara took flight once again. The whole way back there was only one thing she could think of and that was Kankri. Eventually she ended up back at the cave's entrance however by then she was so weak she could barely stand. As a result Damara's legs ended up giving out making her sink to the floor.

While she was gone Kankri had been half mumbling to himself the entire time, insisting that she was all right, that she would be back. She had to be. She was, had always been, one of the most capable people he'd ever known. Even if she hadn't slept. Even if she would probably be blinded by rage. Even if, gathering the facts, she hardly stood a chance. 

The sound of weight on the ground, causing him to snap to attention. "Damara?" More than a little anxious as he stood, clearly unsteady. One hand traced the wall, the other slightly in front of him to be sure that he didn't walk into anything. What if it wasn't her? What if it was Kurloz? No. No, it couldn't be. He wouldn't have been able to find him. And even if he could have, there was no way that he could have won a battle against her. No way in hell. He had to be getting closer now. Though he attempted to listen for the familiar sound of breathing, most of his focus had to go toward moving without sight. "What happened? Are you okay? I-- I told you that I was going to go with you." Assume that it was her. Hope for the best.

Damara thought she was going to pass out. However instead she just sat there. Even when she heard Kankri's voice she did not have the drive or energy to yell back. In fact the only thing she could do was watch droplets of purple blood roll of her face and drip against the floor. Seeing as how it was a pretty smooth surface the purple blood created a perfect looking splatter.

Finally after watching several drops of blood splatter against the floor Damara managed to find her voice. "Kankri...I here..." She whispered, hoping that the cave would let her voice echo so that Kankri could hear, after all his vision was failing. "Kankri I by entrance..." Her precious Kankri. That's who she needed. The only thing she needed was Kankri. He didn't think she was a monster. No she was the only thing he had left and he was the only thing she had left...in this desolate existence. "Kankri...I did it...I kill him. It over. I not monster...he is." Over and over again Damara began repeating the phrase 'not monster' to try and convince herself. Consequently the opposite effect took place. Damara began to doubt herself and the world she lived in. Were her actions truly just? Her ancestor would have done the same...her ancestor was regarded as a goddess but she didn't feel like one. Instead she felt like a...monster.

Her voice. That was all that registered at first. It was her. She was alive. But was she okay? Had she been injured? If so, how was he supposed to help her while he was in this state? No. No, stop panicking. Stay calm. Focus. Kneeling down beside her-- Or almost beside her, he was still somewhat far away-- there was a smile of relief on his face for a few moments before it faded. Although she knew Kankri was near her Damara did not look up. 

"I smell blood. Is-- is it...?" He reached forward, fingers resting on the droplets that had fallen on the ground. Far too cool to be hers. So it was true, then. She'd done it. When Kankri placed his hand in the puddle she trailed her gaze from his arm to his face. His eyes were not looking at her. They were looking right through her. It made her feel hollow inside, more so than she already was. What was she? Why did she do it? A serene voice breathed the word 'protection' in her ear but another one crawled inside of her and cackled 'cause your a monster.' There was one more, a small scared voice that said 'he was right.'

"He was a...monster..." Emphasis on the fourth word as he corrected her. "He was, but he's gone now. You did it, you...." Another smile, looking somewhat embarrassed. Ordinarily, he never would have done anything like this. But these were hardly ordinary circumstances. "Well, excuse my language, but you saved our asses. And...to be quite frank...well after extremely careful consideration I hope to join you in the pale quadrant."

Kankri's confirmation was all Damara needed to squash out two of the voices. He was right. Kurloz was the monster. At the sound of Kankri's swear and his willingness to become moirails with her Damara cracked a smile, the first real smile in what seemed like ages. And then she laughed. The laugh bubbled up in her throat and made her feel so...relieved. It was over. They were safe. Still laughing Damara hugged Kankri. "It over..." Damara said in between giggles. Both of them were alive and now moirails.

He went rigid when the contact first came. After all, he still wasn't overly fond of the whole 'touching' thing. But he smiled anyway, returned the embrace with enthusiasm. Damara sunk in his hug, she was so happy. In fact this was the happiest she'd been since the game. Just being with Kankri made life worth living. Even though Kankri was dying around him time seemed to stand still. If she could spend eternity with him then Damara would have truly reached shangri-la. Even eternity here in the game with Kankri would be her own little piece of paradise.

Slowly breaking out of the embrace Kankri rolled his eyes and crossed his arms with a amused expression on his face. "You've always make such rash decisions. If I weren't so certain of your abilities, I'd have been sure that you'd have died." Calmness was beginning to come over him, allowing him to truly relax for the first time in who knows how long. "The others will be so relieved. They were terrified when I told them where you'd gone. Latula wanted to go after you, I practically had to hold her down to keep her from leaving." Voice fluid, sounding as though he hadn't a care in the world in this moment.

Yes all she needed was Kankri. Kankri and...the...the others? Damara laughed only this one was dripping with uncertainty. Her whole foundation which was already hastily glued back together was threatening to crumble into dust. "Latula?" Damara whispered. Backing away from Kankri Damara brought her knees up to her chest. Her smile was still evident but Damara was forcing herself to keep it there. Damara was forcing herself to keep a lot of things including the last shred of hope she had. "Hey Kankri...funny things that Kurloz told me. He...can you believe...he blame deaths on you. I told him to stop lies but he kept lying. Funny no?" With that said Damara started to laughing only it was devoid of any humor. Shewas scared...that her whole world would come crashing down again. Why did Kankri think that their friends were still alive? Kurloz mentioned something about Kankri's memory...no it was probably just Kankri's nerves talking. This whole ordeal would make any troll's mental state worse for wear. Kankri probably just needed some rest. Besides that filthy pile of shit wasn't even worth thinking about. Kankri was right, he was a pathological liar. He was manipulative and insane. Hell anyone would believed in the mirthful messiahs was bound to be messed up in some way. Kankri was the victim. He couldn't have possibly done it and would have no reason to. Her...moirail was pure. There was not a murderous bone in his body.

Deaths? What deaths, who had-- Recollection came in an instant, hitting him like a punch to the gut. His face dropped the moment it did. Deaths. Of course. The others were dead. But then, hadn't he just been talking with them? Or rather, at them? They had been sitting there, fretting over Damara's absence. And he'd been reassuring them that it would be fine, despite not believing it himself. And Cronus had made some rude comments, and Meenah had rolled her eyes, and-- Hold on. He couldn't see. How had he known that she'd rolled her eyes? Desperately attempting to push the thoughts away, Kankri forced a smile of his own. 

"Yes. Funny and absolutely ridiculous. What reason would I have to do that?" All the sweeps of 'Shut up, Kankri'.

"And even if I did have one, I would remember something as vital as that." 

Like he remembered that they were all dead. 

"I saw him do it." Just as he'd seen their friends only minutes before. 

"The whole thing is... it's ridiculous." 

Why hadn't he been killed, as well? 

"A pathological liar, up until the very end." 

But what if he wasn't lying? No. No, he couldn't think like that. It was all a lie, an attempt to get Damara to spare his life and do the work of coming back here and killing the innocent one for him. That was all, there was nothing else to it. There was no way that he had been involved. He'd been just as much of a victim as her. Kankri was right though, he was a pathological liar. He was manipulative and insane. Hell anyone would believed in the mirthful messiahs was bound to be messed up in some way. Kankri was the victim. He couldn't have possibly done it and would have no reason to. Her...moirail was pure. There was not a murderous bone in his body.

Still smiling Damara shakily got up though had to use the wall to keep herself from falling over. It was agreed that Kurloz was the murderer and well...insane. His words still haunted her. 

‘When you watch him snuff it-- And it sure as fuck going to be soon-- it ain't gonna be him anymore.'

In the end it was him who wasn't his self in the end. He was the one who went off the deep end. 

"Yes...talk of messiahs and gods mess with his head. He cling to comforting belief of all knowing power. Mess with head. My guess thought doing gods work." Glancing at the entrance of the cave Damara looked back at Kankri. "We should get back to hive...we properly rest there."

The hive. Yes, of course. Tossing aside any thoughts that did not have to do with the there and now, Kankri nodded. "You know your way back, I trust? You hardly looked to be paying much attention on our way here." 

Getting to his feet-- And almost falling once-- he wrapped his arms around himself. "We should find some food, too. I can only imagine that we both are in the same position when it comes to having not eaten in some time." A rainbow of blood coating his hands. No. No, why had that image forced itself into his mind? That had never happened. He'd stood there terrified, looking at the results of the slaughter. The only blood he had touched was that which had splattered onto his face when Latula had been attacked.

Damara didn’t notice Kankri’s sudden unease. Instead she was racking her brain for the way back to the hive . She was pretty sure she knew her way back. Just head north. "Yes I know...I think. If not we ask for directions..." Okay that joke was extremely uncalled for. Damara didn't even know why she made it. It was like she was slowing becoming more apathetic. She needed to be more careful, she didn't want to trigger Kankri. "Ah sorry Kankri...that bad. Shouldn't joke like that...I just...not feeling good...I ok though. Need to clean self and eat. We get food at hive." In truth she was feeling incredibly fatigued and unsteady. Her legs felt non existent. They were barely keeping her up. "Achelmize food at hive and then sleep." 

A pang of hurt crossed his face at the joke, though he did his best not to show it. "Right." No, he wouldn't sleep. There was no way. He had already suffered through it once, he could manage to go without to avoid that fate. Not to mention the fact that there was no telling whether or not he would make it through the night.

They easily had enough grist to alchemize a meal and they could always get more for Damara accumulated the mother load of grist. However even then Damara mainly had punchcards for instant noodles. In the past she didn't really have the time to cook and prepare an actual meal. Damara made a mental note to ask Kankri about scavenging the others hives for food so they could make punchcards. She didn't want Kankri living off instant noodles. Though maybe she'd do it herself after all he might not be mentally prepared for the idea of stealing from their dead friends hives.

Nearing the entrance of the cave Damara held her hand out so Kankri could take it. He was aware of the nearness of her hand only because the air in the cave was cool, and he could practically feel the warms radiating off of her. Still colder than his own, of course. The world was cold to his touch, and it was something one got used to incredibly quickly.

A few stifled coughs, this time at least managing to keep the blood inside his mouth. "We can walk, if it would be easier. I have no idea whether flying is more or less strenuous. At the very least, you don't need to carry me if we're on foot."

She couldn't help but give an incredulous look at his suggestion of walking. Flying didn't take that much energy...ok well it sort of did especially with a passenger but still. Damara didn't like the idea of Kankri walking in his condition. Though at the same time Damara didn't want to risk dropping him...just the thought of it made her shudder. Perhaps walking was the best option. Her whole body was incredibly sore not to mention caked in blood. What if while she was flying she froze up as well? Both of them wouldn’t make it out alive.

"Hmm ok we walk. But only half of way. And if you start feel unwell then tell me." That seemed reasonable enough. If Kankri started feeling light headed then she'd fly him. "Also I want you to hold hand." Damara didn't want him to trip. She’d have to get used to Kankri’s ...ailment and felt guilty about just holding out her hand. Of course Kankri couldn’t see it. Moving closer Damara wrapped her hand around his and started lightly tugging him toward the entrance. 

Kankri hated it. All of it. He hated having to depend on her, he hated being in pain, he hated knowing that his time was limited. He hated not knowing what was real. Just how early did this symptom present itself? Could it have altered his memories of the events? Time and time again, he told himself that no, it hadn't been him. It couldn't have been. And yet, there was no way to be sure. Could he have been the one to kill them? As he followed Damara's lead, he found himself doing everything he could to avoid thinking about any of it. The last thing he needed was another panic attack, especially right now. His steps were careful, despite trusting her not to lead him into anything. The coolness of her hand compared to his brought mild comfort, but also a sore reminder. One of many reasons he had always avoided physical contact. Her skin was supposed to be the warmest. Not to him. He wasn't meant to exist. And soon enough, he wouldn't. Above all else, he supposed, he hated himself.

While walking the warmth of Kankri's hand made her feel grounded. After what happened she felt so dissociated and numb. Damara barely felt like she existed. Instead she felt like a hollow husk of the troll she formerly was. She murdered someone...but it was necessary. Even with the knowledge that she had to end his life Damara still felt unclean. The blood that was stuck to her skin and clothes weren't helping either. However it was for Kankri. The only good thing in this world. She needed to forget what Kurloz said and move on. She needed to forget about Rufioh as well...for she had a moirail. Not even just a moirail but someone who wouldn't betray her like that, Kankri was better than him by a longshot. Though as much as she wanted to forget she couldn't. His words still rang in her ears, 'dams...maybe...this whole thing was a mistake. Maybe dating you was a mistake.' Well fuck him. Fuck him to to hell and back. She was alive and he wasn't...she crawled her way to her quest cocoon and...wait. 

"Kankri how you feel about godtier?" Damara asked suddenly.

He certainly hadn't been expecting that. He had been far off in thought, but the inquiry presented itself out of the blue. "What sort of question is that?" He furrowed his brow. "I'm sorry, that was rude. I just don't understand what you're asking." She couldn't be suggesting.... No. No, she couldn't have been. "Do you mean yours? That's hardly my area to comment, I'm hardly affected by it." Not his area to comment. Now there was something he had never expected to say. The others would have fallen to their knees in gratitude. More memories came forth. Not those of the others. No, he had been alone in these. Alone, afraid, and in the end, not willing to take one for the team.

Damara shook her head. "No no not my godtier." She was getting excited now, a small smile presented itself on her lips. Stopping her tracks Damara turned to face Kankri and grabbed his other hand. Kankri flinched at the sudden stop though he was more confused at it then annoyed. Confused, tired, and hoping that she wouldn’t bring up what he thought she would.

Damara on the other hand was beaming. Why didn't she think of this before? If Kankri ascended to godtier he would be healed. His sight, his health, and maybe even his mental health. Damara remembered her ascension. As she lay dying she saw hundreds of butterflies fly through the sky and then when her vision faded she found herself in Skia. After she felt...so alive when she woke. For once she didn't care about anything, that's how euphoric it was. Fluttering in the open skies of Skia with her newly found powers and immortality was a dream come true. However when she flew back to her planet...that’s when things came crashing down. 

"Kankri you go godtier. Your dream self not dead. If go godtier you be healed. No more pain." This was it. This was the answer. "We go to planet and find quest cocoon. Seer of blood right?" Okay the dying part may be a problem though...Damara doubted she could kill him. She could never kill him. Even then for a second Damara was truly elated. This could be the answer to all of their problems. Kankri could die in his quest cocoon and he'd be completely healed. Then after they could travel around various of timelines together. Just the two of them. It would be great.

Right. That was what he'd been afraid of. "Damara...." How could he put this into words. "My dream self isn't dead, no. But...." Come on. Just say it. What was the point in hiding it now? "While we were playing.... You remember the night Mituna had his accident. How we were all together, I said something I apparently shouldn't have, and Cronus had... reacted badly." Beaten the shit out of him, screaming that he'd deserved such a fate instead.

[](http://i57.tinypic.com/2qk0476.jpg)

"After I left, I... I died. I knew by that point what was happening to me, and I figured that it was a case in which the sooner the better for everyone. "I was hardly holding on by the time Porrim found me."

[](http://i58.tinypic.com/dbglzc.png)

[](http://i58.tinypic.com/v66xj7.png)

"She stayed with me. And... despite my direct instructions, she revived me."

[](http://i58.tinypic.com/2gt2sd5.png)

"That's where my sweater went. It was completely ruined from all of the blood." Not even bothering to tag anything. "I couldn't do as you say even if I wanted to."

Upon hearing Kankri's confession Damara's elation turned into distress. No there had to be another way. How...how dare Cronus do that. How dare he lay even a finger on Kankri. Compared to Kankri Cronus was the lowest of the low. He was almost as bad as Kurloz. Damara always knew that Cronus was a desperate fool though she always tried to be polite toward him but this...this was uncalled for. Damara never would have thought Cronus would have done such a thing and to his so called friend to. There had to be another way. There just had to be. Damara couldn't get discouraged like this. Sure Kankri said he couldn't even if he wanted to, hell the prospect of taking his own life to ascend made Damara weary as well. But maybe...maybe...yes. She'd do anything to for Kankri even if it meant going against his wishes. 

"I sorry Kankri...I should not have brought up that. Forgive me." She was truly sorry for bringing painful memories however now she had to put her plan into action. "Oh Kankri. I of course have food at hive. But food all instant ramen. Once we rest and eat I would like to go to other hives and scavenge food. If that alright with you?" Of course she wouldn't just scavenge for food. 

She’d do anything for Kankri.

Could he handle that? Yes, of course he could. He wouldn't even be able to see any of it. It would be fine. He could just convince himself that they were somewhere else. Nodding, Kankri took yet another deep breath.

"Of course. That makes the most sense." It wasn't as though the others would be using it any time soon. Might as well gather as much as possible. Damara would need it. Him, he would be fine with hardly anything. But she had a long time ahead of her. Things would be okay. Even when he died, Damara would be fine. She could go around to other timelines, maybe help out in the Alpha. So that those who actually were meant to succeed-- And he had no doubt that they would do so-- would claim their prize unscathed.

Damara nodded. Good Kankri was on board. If only she thought about this before she killed Kurloz but then again she didn't need him. She could pin it on something else, most likely his failing health. Yes that would be perfect. This would go against everything but at the same time it would help Kankri in more ways than she could list. She would save him. It was her responsibility to help. Damara would sacrifice anything to aid Kankri in these desolate time...even betray him. However he wouldn't even know what hit him. This wouldn’t even be like her situation with Rufio. In the long run she wasn’t betraying him, she was making sure that he wouldn’t be another speck of dust in paradox space. She would make it so that Kankri was a player of chess, not one of the pieces. Just the thought of it made her anxious, Damara needed to get to the hive, make some food for Kankri and her, and then rest. 

"Kankri why don't I fly us there? You going to pass out," Damara commented. "Oh but you come with me to hives right? I know it be uncomfortable but I could use help. However maybe you safer in my hive..."

He didn't want to. Dammit, he didn't want to have to rely on her. But she was right. His strength was becoming more and more short-lived. Another nod, his unseeing gaze on the ground now. "I... I'm sorry. For all of this. You deserve so much better, and I...." Say it. Just get it out there and take what comes. "Damara, I might have killed them...." His voice caught, but he was able to regain his composure. "I remember... both. Both standing and watching, and actually... doing it. I have no idea what's real. For all I know... I'm the monster." Deep breaths, don't break down. His knees were threatening to give out at any moment. "And I-- I don't want to live like that...." Arriving to meet the others. Them noting that he was alone, that there was Latula's blood on his face. On his hands. Anger. Screams. Fighting off more simultaneous attacks than he had ever thought possible.

Damara refused to believe it. In fact there was nothing to believe. Kankri was not the assailant. Everything pointed to Kurloz. That's it...Kurloz must be still messing with his head. Even in death Kurloz was still a manipulative demon. In fact Kankri looked like he was going to fall over from the a mixture of exhaustion and doubt. Before he could fall to the ground Damara embraced Kankri. Her moirail didn’t protest the sudden contact at all. He stayed stiff as a board but didn’t try to squirm out of it. There was no way she was going to let the clown taint Kankri like that. Kankri was a benevolent troll who could do nothing wrong. Kurloz was the chthonic one who was hell bent on making Kankri suffer. Demons always preyed on angels. "No Kankri. Lies. Kurloz manipulative. He use chucklevoodos on Meulin.” It’s true, once Damara saw him take control of his ex matesprit. However she could not bring herself to call him out. That was in the beginning of the game when she was still so naive and meek. 

“He let religion brainwash him. Don't let him manipulate you. He dead now. Do not let him have control. You did nothing. He murderer. Kurloz is only troll capable of feat. His power as prince of rage, his chucklevoodoos, his deadly silence. Only he could have. You not at fault. No blood stains your hands. You pure." What Damara told him was a little comforting but did not quell the overwhelming guilt in his thinkpan. 

Oh how she wish she could kill Kurloz again. It was his fault that Kankri was suffering. Kurloz was the catalyst for their misfortune. A small part of her would have leaped at the chance to torture him before his death but the rational part told her that doing so would make her the monster. Whatever the case Kurloz was dead, simple as that. Lifting up Kankri bridal style Damara began flying in the general direction of her hive.

A sharp breath as he was picked up without warning, trembling hands clinging onto her. The entire concept of flying was unsettling enough, but doing so blind was an entire other level. He trusted her, of course. With his life. His eyes closed at one point, head leaning against her chest. Calm down. Let the tranquility of this moment overtake him, calm his mind which was insisting every moment that this was entirely his fault, that he was the one who had doomed them all. Let him remember that she would be there until sleep overtook him for good, that perhaps afterwards there would be a paradise like the ones so many spoke about. Let him have peace, if only one last time.

It was peaceful flying with Kankri. Sure she was exhausted but warm body that was pressed against her made her feel a little better. However the fear of dropping him was still evident so she brought him closer to her chest. Kankri looked so serene as of then. His eyes drooped until they were closed and his breathing became slow. To her Kankri was her own little angel. A ray of light in her wretched existence. Damara wouldn't let him fade. No he wouldn't be an insignificant life amongst all the others. Damara made a vow to protect him and this fell under said vow. 

In order to keep herself awake Damara replayed her plan over and over in her head until she had it memorized. There were no variables left so nothing should go wrong. Everything was set into place. After an hour and a half Damara made it back to the hive. Both her arms and legs felt extremely heavy not to mention that she couldn't feel her back. However she still managed to land and carry Kankri into the hive. Upon entering Damara wanted to collapse but she couldn't do that with Kankri in her arms. Actually Kankri seemed pretty unresponsive right now, she doubted he was asleep but he didn't seem all that there. Honestly Damara didn't want to disturb him. 

For a few seconds she stood there contemplating on stripping Kankri of his clothes and putting him into his recuperacoon but she didn't want to invade his privacy like that. Instead Damara walked down to her living room and placed him on her couch and draping a few blankets over him. Once he regained some of his strength he could make his way back to his recuperacoon or he could sleep dry...though sleeping without the slime wasn't the best. Still Kankri was pretty ill and she didn't want to disturb him. So instead she brought out her music box from her sylladex again. Before she left the cave she grabbed it. It was funny because she almost forgot to put it back in her sylladex. Her prized possession was almost forgotten. Guess the music box paled in comparison to Kankri. Winding up the box Damara set it on a table and opened the top. The nostalgic sound of the tranquil music hit her in the chest but she ignored it. For a moment it was almost like it She was back home on Beforus. Shaking it off Damara took one last look at Kankri before going to her room.


	4. Chapter 4

It didn't take long for Damara to strip out of her godtier outfit. Surprisingly the purple blood faded of off the clothes a little while ago. Of course she was still covered in the stuff but at least her godtier robes weren't stained with blood. She figured it had to do with it's unique properties. At first she thought about cleaning herself off but decided that she'd just let it mix in with the slime. Taking her bun and hair sticks out Damara’s long and voluminous hair cascaded over her back. There was a reason why she always kept it in a bun. Once in the slime Damara let a sigh slip from her red lips. The slime was doing her wonders even though she just entered it. In fact as soon as she sunk into the stuff Damara found herself drifting off.

****

"Dams...what's up?" Rufioh asked. Damara turned around and faced Rufioh with her arms crossed and her eyes trained at the ground. She was wondering if it was really worth bringing it up after all she didn't want to seem obsessive. However she needed to know why Rufioh did it. Why he cheated and why he left her like that. Was it because she was boring? Did he lose interest in her? Was it because of her blood? Would he rather date a blue blood then some dirty rust blood? "Rufioh why leave? No, why cheat? Just tell why." The words came spilling out as she said them rapidly.

Her hands were clenching her arms she was that nervous. Damara would have never dreamed of confronting Rufioh like this or anyone really however something inside of her would not stop eating at her until she did. Rufioh on the other hand looked like was just slapped in the face. He was obviously unprepared for this conversation. 

"Listen doll I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I care for you and I felt so terrible for leaving you like that. Listen Dams I only had you in mind." During his explanation one of Rufioh's wings twitched. At the sight of that one signal thing Damara felt her chest tighten. How could he lie directly to her face like that? Did their time together mean nothing? Her eyes starting to burn as well but she refused to cry. The weird thing was instead of the hollow feeling she would get when talking to Rufioh something else was there. Something that made her blood boil and her teeth clench together. Damara was pissed.

"Lies..." Damara whispered. Slowly bringing her head up until she was looking at Rufioh straight in the eyes Damara bared her teeth and jabbed one of her quills at him. "LIES! YOU NEVER CARED!" Rufioh flinched at Damara’s screeching and broke eye contact. He looked like a cornered animal. 

"Jeez Dams...you're acting crazy. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe dating you was a mistake." Those words hit Damara like a bullet through her heart. She couldn't believe what he just said. 

Rufioh...regretted their relationship. In fact he was basically implying that what they had meant nothing to him. That whole relationship was just a waste of time in his eyes. The pain of that revelation was unbearable but was also nothing compared to the pain she felt next. A sharp metallic object pierced through her stomach and burst from the other side. Damara made a choked sound followed by incoherent screaming. Something just stabbed her. Oh god she needed help! Rufioh! Help! However he never did help her...and he never looked back.

****

Damara wasn’t the only one with restless dreams. Kankri’s mind was still clouded with the images of his friend’s blood. It was a multicolor wall of fresh blood that permanently stained his mind. The only thing that pulled him from his thoughts was the sound of the music, which caused him to smile slightly and glance over at the direction it came from. It had no effect, of course, but he was able to picture it well enough. The music helped lull him into sleep again but at cost. The dreams were hellish, of course, but exhaustion coupled with the soft music won the battle over his body and kept him from reacting physically. 

He awoke once, breaths heavy, doing all he could not to panic. It had all been so vivid. He had heard the screams, seen the fear in their eyes, felt the blood on his hands-- Actually, there really was blood on his hands. He must have gone into a coughing fit in his sleep without realizing it. Kankri found himself wondering just when he had eaten last. Yes, they were going to go find food together, but hadn't he stored a few packages of crackers in his sylladex just in case? Even if it wasn't much, they could split what he did have. Navigating the modus was difficult without sight, but he was fairly certain that he had put them in the tenth slot. What he grabbed was not what he was expecting. 

The sensation of something cutting his palm caused a slightly-louder-than-probably-necessary sound of surprised pain, and he was aware of the sound of metal hitting the floor when he dropped whatever it was. There were twelve colors of blood on the dagger, and save the brilliant red which had just stained it, it was all long since dried.

Damara woke up to the sound of a scream and her own blood pusher pumping rapidly. Kankri...that was Kankri's voice. Scrambling to get out of the recuperacoon Damara threw on her clothes and didn't even attempt to put her hair back in a bun. After she literally flew out of her room, not wanting to waste any time getting to her moirail. It barely took her a second to get to the living room and to Kankri's side. 

"Kankri what wrong?" Scanning him over Damara noticed the blood gushing out of his palm. "Kankri you have gash?! What happened? I..." From her peripheral vision she saw it. A dagger painted with different colors...the blood colors of there friends. Kankri didn’t respond to her questioning but merely gaped at the feeling of blood pushing through the open wound. There were million and one thoughts rushing through her head upon seeing it but only one stuck out the most and that was a simple 'why?' Her answer to that was also a simple one. 'Kurloz. Kurloz must have planted dagger on Kankri.' Of course. That clown was cunning as he was insane. Picking the dagger up Damara put it into her sylladex. Kankri didn't need to know about it.

"Here let go to kitchen. I patch you up," Damara informed him while grabbing his hand and pulling him up from the couch.

Though he appeared simply stunned, his mind was in havoc. He allowed himself to be led into the other room, still focused only on his thoughts. It took a sold four minutes before he forced himself to speak again. And when he did, his voice was, once again, quiet. "Damara... what was that...?" 

"It just one of sickles," Damara informed him while leading Kankri to the kitchen. A white lie never hurt anyone. He didn't need anymore emotional baggage as it was. Besides Kurloz was dead, it was over. There was no need to tread on those awful things. He didn't need Kurloz poisoning his pure mind like that, sinking his claws into his virtuous soul. Damara would not allow the incubus to continue to harm her angel. His divinity mustn't be soiled. 

She was lying. He knew the curve of the sickle, the shape of the blade. However, he wouldn't argue. Because maybe it was just his imagination. Or a delusion. Maybe she wasn't lying to him. Maybe he wasn't what he feared he was. 

But then, what else could it have been? He could probably give the exact dimensions of the weapon were he asked. Could state the order in which they died. Could practically feel the blood beneath his boots. There wasn't a spark of doubt in his mind now. He was the monster. All of it was his fault. Every. Single. Thing.

Every. 

Single. 

Thing.

Leading Kankri to the table Damara set him on a chair and started shuffling through the first aid kit that was still open. Kankri was silent after that, afraid that if he opened his mouth he would be physically ill. Since the Kurloz incident Damara hadn't touched the medical kit. To think she was sympathetic toward that thing...to think that she was going to tend to his wounds. She was just glad that Kankri showed Kurloz's true colors. A bloodthirsty individual who corrupted and warped everything around him. He was a vile thing who deserved to be punished. Well that's what Damara kept telling herself. However deep down that scared little voice kept repeating over and over again ‘it was a mistake.’ Damara did her best to ignore it. Locating the antibiotics and bandages Damara washed her hands and then went over to Kankri. 

Gently holding his hand up Damara cleaned the wound and wrapped it up in white bandages until the blood couldn't bleed through the bandages. "All better." Damara commented. "Careful when handling sickles . Now that we up want to eat? I have Ramen." Of course it would be ramen but hey at least it was something.

The offer came and dragged him out of his thoughts, and he nodded slightly. "Might as well." Best to prolong his life as long as they could. Figure things out for certain, keep her from being alone. The last thing he needed was to starve to death. He was still feeling ill but he couldn’t say no. He didn’t want to worry Damara.

Damara frowned a bit at Kankri's grim response. He seemed so apathetic, he didn't even look like he was aware of much of anything. His disinterest in his own health worried Damara. Despite that Damara patted Kankri on the head and grabbed a few packets of ramen from the cupboard and a pan that was sitting under the sink. Soon she was boiling some ramen while humming the same tune from her music box. She tried focusing on preparing her ramen but her thoughts kept drifting back to Kankri. Lately that's all she's been thinking about...Kankri. She needed him, Damara needed Kankri not matter what he said. Sure she could explore other timelines but with without him, her Kankri, it would be meaningless. 

Once the Ramen was done Damara fixed two bowls. One for her and one for Kankri. However she added something special to his. There was just no time left. Kankri's time was running out at an alarming rate. She couldn't wait for them to reach the other's hives and then blame it on some sort of imp attack. Kankri's hopeless disposition made her uneasy. Like he couldn’t go on even if he wanted to. Now the ingredient was a simple narcotic, one she used when she couldn't sleep from the all nighters she pulled watching anime. 

Lifting the bowls up Damara grabbed some utensils, careful to remember which was hers. After setting a bowl down next to Kankri Damara took a seat and started eating hers. However she also reached over and guided his hand over to his bowl so he’d know where it is. “Not best but something,” Damara commented as she began eating. “Would you like drink?” Truthfully she was making casual conversation to quell her nervousness. This was the right thing to do...she was sure of it. Though something inside her gnawed at her chest. The same voice that she tried her best to ignore. ‘This is a mistake. This was a mistake from the very beginning. Once again Damara did her best to ignore it.

On the face where self-absorption and superiority had once resided, there was now nothing. Kankri didn't even answer Damara. Instead he just stared blankly at an invisible, endless void. Of course he was blind and usually that would be expected however this wasn't just a sightless gaze. It was one devoid of any emotion like he truly was staring into nothing. Kankri...had completely given himself to the empty halls of anguish. Melancholy burned his benevolent soul and sunk him into a depthless ocean of misery. The clown once again destroyed what she held dear. First it was her session...her friends...her life and now it was Kankri. The only troll who she needed. Damara needed Kankri to the point where if she lost him...she'd lose it all. Her devotion was unwavering to the very end. Only it wasn't devotion...no it was an obsession. A crazed fixation based on her past traumas. Even then Damara would never admit it. To her it was a simple moirallegiance.

He eventually picked up the fork and ate though his movements were robotic to the point where he couldn’t even taste the over seasoned noodles. It tasted like nothing. Kankri was a blank slate, a broken shell of someone who had once held no doubt that success would come. Once again, for what had to be the ten thousandth time, Kankri stared into his newly acquired world of darkness and asked himself just how it had come to this. At this point, the fact that he was dying wasn't even a concern. In fact, he welcomed it. It hurt. All of it. But didn't he deserve the pain? After all the pain he had apparently caused? He probably deserved far worse than he was getting. He didn't deserve the relief death would grant him. No, he deserved to suffer. To be dragged through Hell and back time and time again. What would happen after he was gone? Were the stories true? Was there an afterlife? And if so, how could he possibly face the others? How could he look them in the eye after what he had put them through? 

By this point, he had eaten about half of the food which had been set in front of him without even realizing. However, he was ripped from his thoughts as an unmistakable sensation overcame him and he flew to his feet. He had, luckily, more or less memorized the layout of the hive, and was able to get to the bathroom before the ramen decided that it would much rather occupy the load gaper than nourish such a lost cause. Mixed in with it was what looked somewhat like coffee grounds.

Lost in thought Damara suddenly shot up from her seat when Kankri booked it. Flying after him Damara almost crashed into the wall when she tried to stop. Her bloodpusher was pounding in apprehension. What happened? What did-oh god. From what she could tell Kankri's body rejected the food making him throw up what little food he ate. The weird thing was that it didn't look...right. There was something mixed in, it wasn't just food it was something else. Like a lumpy sore of liquid that was brown in color. It didn't look right at all. 

Panic. That was the only word that could describe what was running through Kankri’s mind. His body wasn't going to let him eat. This... all of this... it was going to be dragged out. It was all a gamble now. Which would kill him first? The illness or the starvation that it caused? Neither was preferable. But again, it was far more mild than he thought he deserved. 

For a few moments Damara's gaze was fixed on the scene until she went over to Kankri and scooped him up. She then flew him over to the living room and laid him down on the couch. Draping some blankets over him Damara went over to the kitchen and filled a glass with water. She didn't want him to get dehydrated from vomiting like that. Once the glass was filled Damara shuffled through her first aid kit to locate some dissolvable antiemetics which she eventually did find after a few seconds of digging around. Hopefully those would help with his nausea and vomiting problems. On the way back Damara thought back to the narcotics. She was insanely worried about Kankri but she was also concerned if he threw up all the narcotics out of his system. For what she had planned would be the only chance Kankri had. Well for now the best thing to do was to sit and wait. 

Back at the living room Damara propped Kankri and put the rim of the water that was mixed with the antiemetics near his mouth."Drink."

When the water was offered to him, he obeyed her orders more or less against his will. Because in reality, he had no will left. The fatigue hit him all at once. One second he was simple weak, the next it felt as though sleep would overtake him at any moment. Half of him was afraid that this meant that this was it. But logic told him otherwise. Death, he figured, would feel different. With a gentle hand, he ushered Damara's away, moving the glass from his lips and adjusting his position so that he was lying down. He wouldn't sleep. Rest, but not sleep. He could manage that, right? Yes, certainly.

Putting the glass to one side after Kankri was done Damara watched him fall asleep. So the narcotics were working. She hoped they were strong enough to last through the trip there. Just thinking about it made her jittery. Kankri would understand that this was for the best and that she was helping him in the long run. He would be healed and given the gift of immortality. The clown's grasp on him would be ripped away for he would arise anew. Time would also cease to affect him biologically. They could spend the rest of their lives together, travelling the timelines and helping others. A part of that would be warning the others of Kurloz. His hapless powers could not be allowed to destroy another session like that. Even if their session was destroyed there still was the alpha session to think about. There was still hope. Though Damara would not help Rufioh. Call her biased but after his betrayal she could not stand the thought of giving him aid. Sure they weren't her Rufioh but they still held his essence. His cowardly essence. 

With that in mind Damara got up and went back to her room. From what she could tell via her time powers she's had about 6 hours of rest. It wasn't ideal but it was something plus after eating she felt a lot better. Putting her long hair back in a secure bun Damara thoughts continued to tread on the plan. Kankri would no doubt be a little disgruntled at her doing this but they were moirails he would understand. The biggest problem would be how it was executed. She needed to go through with it though. This wasn't like the situation with Kurloz, this was to save her moirail. An angel who needed to be liberated from the clutches of a demon.

The dreams were different this time. He still heard screaming, still heard pleas. Still he saw Porrim, Mituna, Meulin, a number of the others. But there was something off. Everyone was older. And the scenery was that of Beforus. And yet, so unfamiliar. An odd light colored the landscape, which he discovered was due to the twin moons. However, this version of himself seemed accustomed to them. He was in pain. No, more than that. Agony. Gaze moved upward, landing on the shackles which held him in place. His own blood cascaded down his arms, stained his clothing. Meulin, Porrim, and Mituna were watching, in chains and being held back. Trying to get to him, terror in their eyes. Was that... Meenah in the back of the crowd? And was she smiling? In an instant, there was a hand gripping his throat, tilting his head upwards. Kurloz looked absolutely horrifying, his twisted grin not stitched together.

When he spoke-- And yes, he did speak-- It was to rip him apart. To call him a freak, a failure, plus an entire list of things he did his best to shut out. To ask him how it felt knowing that he had doomed not only himself, but those he cared about. When he did not get a reply, it resulted in a brutal slap, followed by a nod to someone behind him. Everything stopped as he began speaking.

Voice rough, yet confident. "I have been peaceful. I have been kind. I only dared to speak what others have been dreaming for so long. I had dreams, too. Dreams of what might have been. Where blood was simply blood, and all of us were equal. If wishing for that is heresy, then yes, I deserve to die. "I’ve seen acts of the most sublime kindness and the most vile cruelty. And they say powerful beings find anger when they have no room for love. What made you so? Are you scared of change? Scared of those who are different? I realize I am different from you. I have known feelings that none of you could ever hope to know. "I have known the camaraderie of a friend who supported me against all odds. I have known the compassion of a guardian who took me in when no others would and raised me to dream and hope. I have known the love and passion that transcended definition." 

With a touch more anger, he did not allow Kurloz's snarl to quiet him. "There’s no use hiding it now. You all can see me for what I am. The Signless. The Sufferer. The Mutant. My blood burns brightly for all to see. It is the flame of a revolution that you can never hope to quell. My memory may be erased, but my ideals will never die. My mistake was believing I could change a world infected by hate and corruption. "You’ve taken the freedom of an innocent troll and turned his blessings into a curse. The pity you’ve taken on my Disciple will wound her. She has known true love and you’ve forced her into a life of solitude. You’ve forced a mother to watch her son die!" 

Anger? No, not anymore. This was more than anger now. This was pure rage. "I see you for what you are. I always fucking have! I thought I could fucking change you! Fuck me for being a fucking fool! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" He ceased screaming, consumed by his outright loathing for all the world. For the life which had never given him a moment of kindness. But he composed himself. And when he continued, it was hardly a whisper, sounding as though he were nearly lost in his own mind. 

"Fuck…. I am angry because I forgive you. I may be the biggest fucking fool on Alternia. But when I close my eyes, I see a world where we all work together. And it’s so fucking beautiful...." Another figure stepped into view. Horuss wielded a bow, stood facing him. A memory flashed, being held by kind, supportive arms, holding a brief conversation. 'Rosa, I'm scared.' 'It's all right, dearest. Just close your eyes and count to twelve.'

He closed his eyes. 

One. Porrim screaming. 

Two. Mituna joining in. 

Three. Meulin following suit. 

Four. The heat from the irons. 

Five. The sound of the bow being drawn. 

Six.

The only sound in the hive was the echo of Damara's steps as she walked back toward Kankri. Her red wings caught the sun's rays that managed to leak through the window which in turn made her fairy like wings give off an ethereal glow. Her godtier outfit flowed with each step, ever since she went godtier Damara noticed how light she felt, as if she wasn't weighed down with the threat of impending death. After facing death like that...she no longer feared it. However her dear companion did not have that luxury. Where as time was at Damara’s beck and call time for Kankri wasn't so amiable. In fact it was robbing Kankri of his mind, his health, and his will. However she was going to rectify that. 

By now Kankri was fast asleep for the narcotics had managed to swathe him in a deep slumber. Studying his ailing body her thoughts drifted back to her ancestor. This is what she would do. Threnody would emancipate Kankri of his valetudinarian frame and help him arise anew. In her eyes she was not a simple rust blood standing over a dying friends. No as of then she was her ancestor, standing over an injured member of her flock. Her revenge would be to destroy the shinigami's reign over her beloved moirail. Her plan...was a simple one. She doubted even her deceased friends knew about this. It was a second chance at ascension. Even though it was relatively easy in order to enact this she would have to become Kankri's Yama. Despite that Damara was prepared for this. There were no other obstacles besides her self and Kankri. This would work without fail. 

Placing her hands underneath Kankri's body Damara bundled him up in blankets and lifted him up so that she was carrying him bridal style. Her mind was made up a long time ago. Nothing stood in her way. Not even the small voice begging her to stop. This would not become a mistake. She would not allow it. Once out of the hive Damara took flight. She flew higher and higher until she broke from the planet's atmosphere and into the inky black darkness of space. It seemed endless and Damara was once again reminded of how insignificant she was. Though she would not let both her Kankri and her become another speck of dust in space. That thought gave her the vigor to fly even faster towards Skia where the golden city of Prospit orbited it.

Kankri’s dreams all seemed to center around that reality, though what happened differed. Many were actually pleasant. And yet, it always seemed to go back to that. The execution. His murder. At one point, he shifted his position in Damara's arms just slightly, muttering a small bit of the sermon. Just one word. "Alternia...." His words went unnoticed to Damara who was vigilantly flying. 

In the vast emptiness of space all Damara could see was an ever lasting darkness. There were not stars to litter the area around her. Instead there was an all consuming blackness that swallowed everything in it's path. When she looked behind her Damara couldn't even see her planet anymore. From the moment she entered space and continued to fly her planet gradually turned into a speck and then nothing. It was so...empty out here. Despite the vastness of the surrounding area Damara kept flying in a particular direction. It was weird but for some reason Damara knew where she was heading. The feeling was like a tug at her chest which lead her to where she wanted to go. Maybe it was a part of the game so the players wouldn't get lost or maybe it had to do with her psychic abilities. Whatever the case it was at least a little comforting as the aspect of a depthless space was frightening. It was also silent to the point where the only noise as of then was the sound of blood pounding at her ears. 

Trying to shake it off Damara increased her flying speed. She had been flying for about four hours twenty four minutes and thirty six seconds yet there was still no sign of...wait there it was. If Damara squinted she could see it. The shining kingdom of prospit. At the sight of it Damara bolted toward it. Her eyes were trained on prospit and her grip tightened on Kankri. This was it. She was so close. With each passing minutes the kingdom grew closer and closer until she was almost there. At last she was at prospit. Surrounding her were towering buildings that stood tall and proud. Though she was a derse dreamer Damara wasn't unfamiliar with it. The gleaming bridges and pathways almost made Damara smile. Just being in the kingdom of light made her feel a lot better. However that was ruined with the prospitians concerned gazes. Upon seeing Damara fly into their kingdom with a dying troll they took a few steps back. 

Ignoring the prospitians Damara began to descend deeper into Prospit. The deeper she descended the more chains gave away until there was nothing left but golden chains curling through the darkness. Her eyes scanned the area hoping to find what she was looking for. From beyond the slurry of chains Damara found it, a red slab of stone with the mark of a blood player. The sight of it made her bloodpusher pump dramatically. This was it...Kankri's salvation. Once she stepped onto the slab Damara set Kankri down who still soundly asleep. Normally players only know of the quest cocoon however there was another way of ascension. A back up plan called a sacrificial slab. Each sacrificial slab laid deep inside both respective kingdoms. The slabs were usually a last resort especially if one's dreams self was terminated. Damara would never forgive Cronus. Her list was ever growing now including Rufioh, Cronus, and Kurloz. Especially Kurloz. He poisoned her precious moirail. Kurloz made his mind sick with guilt and for something he didn't even do. The clown twisted and pressed his dirt covered nails into Kankri's soul. To sully a perfect being like that was more than unforgivable...that clown made himself known as an abomination. Her beautiful and pure moirail...Damara would not let him suffer. 

Sliding her hands down his temple to his cheek Damara kissed his forehead before grabbing the dagger from her sylladex. Said dagger was still painted with the blood of her friends...but it was a fitting way to have Kankri reborn. This would show the clown that he had no power of him anymore. His reign over her celestial being would be no more. His ascension would be met with rapturous applause on Damara's part and he would no doubt be ecstatic with his transformation. No more coughing, no more blindness, and no more hallucinations brought on by the demon clown. Instead there would be blissful peace. They would travel the timelines together and talk to their friends again. They would laugh at their alternate selves and enact divine justice on those deserving. With that thought in mind Damara closed her eyes and grasped the dagger with both hands. Her fingers were intertwined around the handle as she raised it above her head. She could not keep her eyes open though, in fact they were clenched shut. Damara's arms were trembling but she had to do this. The voice was screaming at her to stop but she couldn't. She needed to save her moirail. Damara needed to save her beloved. A scream pierced through the air as Damara whipped her arms down and plunged the dagger into his chest. The scream was her own.

He didn't know what woke him. Whether is was coincidental timing, or the scream, or the sudden feeling of metal ripping into his chest. Either way, Kankri's eyes flew open, horror, panic, and agony overtaking him. No. No, no, no, what was happening? Was he dreaming again? Was this just a recollection of the first time he'd died? No, it couldn't have been. He still couldn't see. Blood was expelled from his mouth, far more than what usually came with the coughs. The scream had been recognized in an instant. Damara. Was she...? No, just because she was close to him, that didn't mean that she.... No. Absolutely not. One hand clutching whatever he was lying on-- Where were they?-- the other moved to his mouth. Blood-soaked fingers moved to the ground now. Tell her. Explain the situation, maybe she could help.

Pushing through the pain, he was able to scrawl just two words in the crimson fluid which was swiftly filling up his lungs. 'CAN'T 6REATHE.'

[](http://i59.tinypic.com/wb2uty.jpg)

He couldn't die. Not now, not like this. Tears mingled with the blood that still was being projected in coughs of a much different cause as his hand moved to investigate what he had been attacked with. He knew the shape. And he knew the hands that held it.

Damara managed to pry her eyes open and look at the scene below. Her hands were still glued to the hilt of the dagger as her fingers seemed to have frozen into place specially with Kankri's hands investigating them. Blood was also gushing in between the incision of the blade. It...was horrifying. Doubt flashed in Damara's mind for she just stabbed her moirail. The only troll she truly cared about. Kankri was bleeding out right in front of her. This time Kurloz wasn't the assailant...she was. Terror overwhelmed her to the point where Damara's grasp on the hilt slackened. 

Raising her hands up to her cheeks she scrambled back to the edge of the slab. What had she done? Kankri's pleading words that were hastily scrawled with his own blood made her want to puke. She had stabbed a dear friend in the chest. It was just like with Rufioh, his betrayal still peeled away at her despite herself. No...this was for the better. This wasn't like it. She didn't betray him! This is for his own good! By this time Damara dug her nails into her scalp with the intent of using the pain to cast away her guilt. Be strong...Threnody would have done the same. This was no mistake. In fact this could be seen as a test. The ultimate sacrifice for eternal happiness. A test designed to see if Damara was worthy of being Kankri's moirail. Standing up Damara looked away from Kankri's bleeding form and floated a few feet away from the slab. It pained her to see him like this but...she would do everything in her power save Kankri. Anything.

Each second felt as though it lasted an eternity. Who had ever said that death was peaceful? Because they had been so, so wrong, and this only proved it once again. He was cold. In pain. More scared than he could ever remember being. Had... she really done this? Was it meant to be as some sort of kindness? Or had she finally understood that he posed a threat and needed to be eliminated? Surely she would be better off? She would be able to go to the Alpha session and help the others succeed. And they would succeed. They would, they had to. His world had been engulfed in darkness already. Who had thought that it could get darker? As blackness began to cloud his... not vision, what would one call it? Perception, perhaps. As blackness began to cloud his perception, realization hit. Where they were, what had happened. She knew. She knew about the slabs, she'd found a way around it. Despite feeling himself slip away, his hand moved desperately. 

Tell her. If he couldn't speak, then for goodness sake, write. 'D9n't make me d9 this. Damara please. I d9n't want this. I kn9w what I did.' Funny how he remembered so clearly in his final moments. 'Let me die.' He was choking on blood now. 'Let me die let me die let me die let me die let me die LET ME DIE LET ME DIE LET ME DIE D9 Y9U FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME Y9U PSYCH9PATHIC 6ITCH JUST FUCKING LET ME G9.’ Kankri’s pleas went ignored but not unread.

Damara gritted her teeth at his pleas. His fingers painted the slab with distressed words that made her bloodpusher ache. She wanted to swoop down and help Kankri but that was not an option. This was agonizing though, watching his blood spill out of a wound she made. No but it was a test. The ultimate test of self sacrifice and competence. Damara would not fail in that aspect. Her total devotion would prove to be essential in this time of tribulation. His words stung as they grew more frantic and spiteful but she mustn't take it to heart. The demon was finally unraveling itself from Kankri's soul and dissipated into nothing. An exorcism would be a rather brash but better way to put it. His words would forever haunt her but...deliverance came with a price. Damara would carry these scars so that Kankri would be saved from degeneracy.

Finally Kankri's hands stopped moving. His hand dropped like a lead weight, though the rage still burned as hot as the blade still embedded in his chest. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced. Far more true, far more intense. But it was not aimed at her in particular. No, it was a general loathing for all the world, all the wrong it had done him, all the pain he had endured. Even though the written words were a far calmer, 'Please let me g9', the fury flooded through him. It was the last thing he felt before essence left him.

After his last words were written everything was frighteningly still. There was no spastic movement from Kankri and even the blood seemed to stop gushing out of his form. It was then that Damara feared the worse. What if she was wrong? What if the sacrificial slab was just a hoax? However her fears were washed away when a blinding green right enveloped the area. Said light nearly burned her eyes making her clench them shut. It was happening. Kankri was ascending.

Painless. That was how most people described ascension. Even if the death itself was agonizing, after that, the pain was gone in an instant, replaced with near immortality. But then, Kankri wasn't most people. If feeling every cell in his body shut down was horrible, feeling them wake back up was even worse. Feeling them wake up, then begin to work overtime to close his wound. The sensation was similar to as though one were pulling the broken skin with all their might, then welding it together. Like he was quite literally on fire. Once the injury was but a memory, that was when it got unbearable. Every molecule that bonded together to form him was changing. Morphing into something new. And he could feel it. He could feel it as he rose into the air, screamed as he hovered there. 

Damara's ears burned at the sound of his screaming. However she refused to open her eyes until it ended. For if she were to open them she'd probably do something she'd regret and also she didn't think she'd be able to handle the sight. 

He stopped screaming only when he was lowered, falling to his knees. The sound of his pusher in his ears. Breaths heavy and terrified. When he opened his eyes, that was when the reality of what had happened hit him. Because although his hair obscured his eyes from Damara, he could see. "What have you done...?" It came as a horrified whisper at first, then more distraught. "What have you done?!"

Damara managed to pry her eyes when he demanded to know why she had done it. There Kankri was clothes in seer robes that were dyed a deep red. His absence of wings didn’t worry her to much but the question she was confronted with did. She should have really expected this after all Damara just killed him in way. Really she shouldn't be so surprised but it still shocked her a bit. He just needed to be informed of why she took this step and how all of this was for him. He would understand. After all they were moirails. 

Flying over to Kankri Damara stood over him. "Kankri you see, you no longer dying, you healthy. I not bare see you pained. I...cannot have you be another death...another meaningless death. Together we travel along timelines helping others! No more sadness. Deaths were not fault of yours. Kurloz's reign over you no more. Please understand now we can live happily and-" 

Damara was cut short by a blinding red light and a searing pain spreading across her back and chest. No it wasn’t just a searing pain it was agonizing. Damara was frozen into place, her mouth was open to accommodate her silent screams. It took a bit for her to process what happened. Something...just hit her from her back to her chest. Damara didn't want to look down. She didn't want to but she had to. Her watery gaze slowly went down to look at her chest. There was a hole...that went through her back and chest. Something managed to blast its way through flesh and bone. It was repulsing just looking at it. Torn up muscle jutted out of the wound in slimy piles and red blood seeped through the managed flesh. Finally Damara found her voice and when she did she screamed. Her scream ripped through time and space. Her whole body was on fire and her torso was nothing but a torn up slab of meat. Falling back down on the slab Damara wheezed and hacked up a plethora of blood. Her vision was fading to the point where it looked like she was staring through a long narrow tunnel. 

For the first thing he saw with his restored eyesight to be that, it made him feel as though he would be sick. Was he dreaming again? When he looked up, would it be a projection of himself? No. No, this was real. This was happening. It wasn't him. Damara was wounded and convulsing on the ground. Kankri rushed to her side but in the back of his mind he knew he could do nothing but pray.

On her knees and hands Damara shakily looked behind her to see where it came from. Black hair, red wings, red dress. It was her. She was the assailant. "No...no this mistake." Through her heaves and shudders Damara managed to crawl back while facing her alternate self. "Why...why!?" Kankri stared at her alternate self as well behind his mess of hair. His mouth gaped in disbelief but other than that he was still.

Damara’s alternate self looked at his moirail with stone cold eyes. In fact everything about her other self was unforgiving and rugged. Her hair was falling out of a messy bun, copious amounts of multicolor blood covered her face and dress. Clearly she'd been through the worst of the worse. Power also radiated off her for she must have been godtier for quite a while. 

At first Damara thought she'd make her suffer in silence but after watching Damara writhe in pain for a couple minutes the alternate Damara spoke with a clear and forceful voice. There was also barely any accent to it. "What I have done is stopping two monster from wreaking havoc on multiple timelines. I come from a timeline where you both travel through the timelines together but him...that mutant freak ends up killing everyone but me....now I have nothing left. Nothing at all. So to answer your question I have killed you to smash the grub before it hatches. That mutant is a murderer, underneath his long winded speeches about social rights is an insane maniac who lives off the blood of his prey. He has fooled you...he has fooled us. I hope he suffers in this timeline. Without you he cannot travel to others. He will be forever alone to pay for his sins." 

Through her whole explanation her voice did not waver once. However this timeline's Damara was crying hysterically. Her will...her mind was broken. Kankri...her angel was the murderer. The clown was right and so that made her a murderer to. Everything lost it's meaning. She no longer had the will to live anymore. Before she thought she had beaten death but she hadn't. Death always won in the end. It was all a game. A game she had no chance at winning. 

Kankri on the other hand only stared in horror when listened to those words. No. No, he had to explain. He had to explain what had happened, he understood now! Perhaps then she could be saved! Dammit, why wasn't he saying anything?!

With a flash of red light the other Damara vanished leaving a broken Damara and Kankri. By then this timeline's Damara had fallen onto her back. Her vision was fading fast and her breaths were in short bursts. This was it. Somehow Damara knew this death would be just. Afterall...she was a monster. Even then....even when her other self revealed what Kankri was Damara still loved him. "Kankri...Kankri..." She croaked. "Please...tell...say this not mistake. Tell me that loving you was not a mistake..."

Frantically pulling off his hood, Kankri did his best to stop the bleeding despite knowing very well that there was no use. There were two holes and no way to close them. "Don't speak." His voice trembled, eyes still not revealed. "Don't speak, you-- you're going to be fine. You're going to be fine, this... this can't be heroic or just, right? It was a surprise attack. You weren't-- you weren't trying to save anyone, and you didn't do anything wrong...." Tears began to slide down his face. They were not red.

To be completely honest, he didn't even notice. He was far too preoccupied, and who was to think that such a thing would be "healed" upon ascending? No, he was focused only on her. On her question. "Damara, I...." Voice caught in a sob. "I remember now. The others, I-- I killed them, yes." Get the rest out. "But it wasn't my fault. I swear, I-- I didn't want to, I.... Kurloz, he...." Stop crying, just say it! "You mentioned he used his chucklevoodoos on Meulin, I-- He did the same to me, I... I couldn't stop him." 

Walking with Latula, their conversation painfully awkward. Seeing a figure in the distance, discovering that it was Kurloz. Him signing frantically, Kankri taking him to the side to calm him down and figure out what he was going on about. Feeling himself being taken over, hair pushed in front of his face to hide the tell-tale flashes of color in his eyes. Killing everyone, then cleaning up. Then having his memories altered and being released. "Please don't leave me...." And again, shouting now. "Please don't leave me...!"

Damara wasn't sure what to believe anymore. Her entire being was torn to pieces. However when he revealed his lime blooded eyes and tears made her shed tears as well. She trusted Kankri with her life and Kankri trusted her enough to show her his new evolved form. His mutant blood was healed. His blood and his mind. That means what he was telling her was the truth. It made sense, like with Meulin and how he controlled her with his purple blooded mind powers. The way he looked while doing it...he wasn't some innocent clown. He was a controlling psychopath who was hell bent on serving his master. Staring back at his lime colored Damara a realization hit her. His eyes...that's it. How could something so simple change everything? When Kurloz controlled Meulin her eyes flashed with the colors of the messiahs. With Kankri his hair covered his eyes so everyone thought Kankri was killing on his own accord.In the other timeline Kurloz must have possessed Kankri to, taking the opportunity to use a fully realized seer of blood to fulfill his ulterior motive. What was it though? What did he want? Who was his master? In the grand scheme of things was it truly to fill some prophecy fueled by the all knowing powers? No there had to be something more...Although confused and broken Damara still had one thing and that was her indefatigable devotion to Kankri. Even while dying Damara's allegiance was to Kankri. 

"Kankri...I sorry for doubting you. Not worthy to be moirail. So...sorry." Those words made Damara painstakingly lift her hand to grab Kankri's. 

Upon contact with his hand Damara's eyes widened as the scene before her shifted. She was on a red battle ship facing a familiar figure. It was Meenah only she was older. Her black hair was voluminous to the point where it was sliding across the red metal of the ship. Her figure was also voluptuous down to her hips and chest. Damara also felt a lot older though there was a weird pulsating glow surrounding her. The same colors of Kurloz's messiahs. In her mind words echoed. 

_When I release her, she will take her place at his side, and travel through time to carry out his orders. His curse is one of conditional mortality, with the desired outcome contingent on her service. When I release her, she will take her place at his side, and travel through time to carry out his orders. While I am his weapon of subtlety and precision, the Handmaid is strictly an apparatus of terror and suffering. We have both paved the road to his arrival, I in my way and she in hers. She would be present during every watershed moment in her civilization's development. Her recurrence in history would earn her the reputation of a demoness, more feared than even her master, a man though dreadful rarely makes himself seen. She stirred up class warfare and intensified bigotry in whatever era she haunted. She made sure the descendents would enter a world which prepared them well for the game, and took measures to see that they would play as they did. But once they entered and their world was in ashes, her work was nearly complete. Now, six centuries later, she would be given one last order to follow before her curse was lifted._

_A simple recruitment job._

During that time memories also surfaced one of cherubs and omniscience. Soon the scene faded back out and Damara was staring back at Kankri. "Kankri...Kurloz...Lord English. The Condesce. The game. The game is ultimate purpose." It made so much sense now. Lord English was the one Kurloz served but who exactly was that? And how did it correlate to the game? Just as so much revealed there was still so much she didn’t know. If only she wasn’t dying. If only Kurloz wasn’t a factor in this. Both Kankri and her could figure out what was going on. They could travel together in search of answers. “Kankri...Kankri I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you and...and thank you.” Her last words were said and in the distance Damara could hear a clock bell ring. Her death was not just but heroic. For killing Kurloz and ascending Kankri. It was an extremely close but in the end...it was heroic. With a final breath Damara’s whole body shuddered until it went absolutely still.

[](http://i58.tinypic.com/5wzgb9.png)

"I don't know what that means." Never before had there been such weakness in his words. Such fear. "Damara, tell me. Please." No answer. "Damara...." Silence. "Damara...!" 

Did he sit there for hours? Days? He couldn't be sure. But he sat there for long enough to notice that the world seemed significantly warmer, that the tears spilling from his eyes were the lime that he had only heard about in myth. He did eventually venture out. And somehow he was able to fly without wings, so that was odd. But not something he focused on. No, he didn't focus on anything. The first sweep was hell. The second even more so. Never once did he say a word, and by the fifth sweep he was unsure if he would remember how to were he to try. He held onto himself until the fifteenth. It was around this time that the hallucinations began, far more intense and persistent than those when he had been dying. By the fortieth, he gave up trying to put an end to it all on his own. Suicide wasn't heroic or just, and he had been reminded of this fact over and over again. The ninetieth was when he broke completely. 

Fate had torn everything from him. Friends, love, kindness, sanity, even his blood. He had never considered it to be a defining piece of himself, but now that it was gone, the universe felt like a different place. He could still die. Heroic or just. And since there was no one left to save, that left only one option. The Seer of Blood became a title widely known on both Prospit and Derse. The murders began simply enough. He killed them in their sleep and drew his aspect's symbol in their blood. Slowly, he became more public with it. The Dersians proved to be more persistent in punishing him. But he'd discovered that he actually had to fight back when they tried to. He had to fight for life in the hope that he would be granted death. On Prospit, that was different. They were not angry at him. They feared him. When he arrived, some fled. He killed those ones. The rest actually began to kneel. He was angry. He hated everything and everyone. Perhaps it was better off that he was unable to go between timelines, as he probably would have continued it all there. 

Six-hundred and twelve sweeps after the final death of Damara Megido, and he was finally captured. Derse and Prospit had actually joined forces to take him down. They all watched as he was led out of prison in chains. They were there as he was put in irons and as his shackles were heated to the point where they glowed as red as his blood had once been. They were there as he looked them all over, as the magnitude of what he had done finally hit him.

[](http://i59.tinypic.com/333y3ac.jpg)

He had become everything he had ever feared. And there was no one controlling him now. It had been him, pure and simple. He wasn't asked for last words before they finally killed him. But he said them, anyway. Voice rough from centuries of disuse, hardly audible. "I'm sorry."

[](http://i62.tinypic.com/167kxo2.jpg)

# End


End file.
